how do you live?

i have been acting as a therapy consellor for 3 days for heartbroken M. it is not exhausting as it sounds, cause things are pretty clear: G is no exception of most of most white men in Beijing limboland: mum’s boys, village idiots, simple man , dropouts and burnouts without any coping skill to interact with the world or with a woman in a meaningful and material way. (G is worse. not even, according to R, " a working class lawyer"). ..."how do we know a lawyer is lying?...lips moving..."

there is a risk in migaratory relationship that lives in its moment. it is as real and palpable as it could be when it is there, then it is gone, no surprise cause there were never future plan involved in the first place. but still, when it is over, it is still a blow. obsessive longing is the only souvenir that one must suffer or savor.

so it is for the better. but but it takes the magic 3 weeks/months to heal. there are just not so much a friend could do. M squeezes me 2 seconds longer than the usual social hug every time we part. felt a bit sad, yeah no friend could accompany you the long sleepless night. we can share laughters, but in the face of pain, we are all alone.

She reminds of me how much weight everyone actually put love on life. but everyday we spend our time doing and talking trivia that has the slightest nature of love. how do we live? we are busy wanting all and now and take painless love for granted, waking up by a blow when it is gone and when it is too late.

"perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything it is because we are dangerously near to wanting nothing.”(sylvia)

love. light. when you believe in it. it comes.

M, you will be ok. very very soon. we all know it, but just have to wait for the time arrives.

tingeling's karma is building up a very positive wheel recently. next week, the charity show! be a helper or to be helped. which one is more enjoyable? ok. -1 karma point...helping for helpings sake. for love.