Wednesday, September 26, 2007

losing buddha

there is a gentle Buddhist who i called soul-mate once upon a time.

i've never met anyone like him. he is a nonbeliever but he can recite almost any of the teachings i ever come across. he delivers his words as if he had borrowed them from a master, with insight, conviction and humility. we never exchange words that aren't soft and centered. in my tribe he was my shadow. it's hard to explain what it was like being with him. it's like having a puppy who is actually Buddha.

i was always happy to see him. he seems to become innocent under my gaze, and it seems like he feels that. in a very difficult situation, to get a fix of some kind. buddha hugged me closely. but it's buddha, i thought. i'm not even safe around buddha? one night out of the blue and sake he said, "i love you." it's i wished he hadn't, i wish he can just pretend he is whole and complete and sufficient exactly as he is. pretend my company alone is worth a thousand trips to the moon. even if it also is. I hugged him and said nothing.


to top the story. in 3 days i heard the same scenrio were played with 3 of my galfriends in the tribe. buddha says"i love you." first and "i am incapable of loving" later.

sexuality and beauty, love and lust are blurring the lines of my reality and my sense of spirit and self-worth. i have to admit i can't tell what's real all the time when i am more or less involved. I just wish my openness stop being manipulated. all of this time thinking i'm the one calling the shots. when really, all of this time being played and painted on. not excluding me as the consumer. i'm realizing how fucked up that is.


Buddha left the tribe. he ascended somewhere else in beijing. i just realized that i have no idea who he is. but at least i can see that now. i thought i was pretty close to knowing, with a piece or two (or three, even) missing. to put it mildly, my numbers were v e r y off.

good luck, beijing.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

edingburgh blur



anticipation is such a powerful force.

i have always been attracting into my life these events and people.

no mistake only lessons.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

不说再见没有分别

自觉一直被“没有一个人是座孤岛”的教条所困而不知所以,不请愿也只好孜孜以求。却原来每个人就是个小宇宙,最应该做的倒是寻求自我的完整。在这中间的人事是幻象是考验是经历,但就是不是真相。

不执着是个决定。

爱和不爱好像都是种关系,两元对立的概念。其实两元对立的简单不是这个世界的规律。一直就不是。爱是我的存在。不爱是无我的存在。要在这中间平衡就是要在我和无我中观察自己。我在想什么。为什么要。为什么有贪念,为什么嫉妒,依赖,焦虑,为什么?

很多事没有开始就结束了。是我的决定吗?是无我的决定吗?是自觉?

旅行让我生活混乱杂念丛生,为什么总是安排自己历险发现明知不会有建设性的感悟体验?也许是自觉执着的危险?解决问题还是让问题解决自己?


很多事没有开始就结束了。

Saturday, August 04, 2007

thank love, relieved

another night out with my tribe. i love every one of them but even with friends i like it in plurals. it is too much pressure and demands to be with them in one-one situation for me these days.

i am so singular, to the core, by nature.

to gather and maneuver this tribe in bj night share lots of similarity with the way i work on my day job: you need establish yourself, almost an aura of authority and mystery to provide, at least suggest something. this time is a theme party called "proud singlehood".
the concept of selling a plastic ring for 300rmb to desperate singles so they could recognize each other in the street and then possibly "find each other" is debatable. but comparing to the event idea. it was creative and original...

so where next? ush...

all hated susie but voted to go anyway afterwards.

han says he doesnt believe in love, as naturally as he doesnt believe in god. suddenly i found that quite interesting: isnt love like god these days. you were always told about and thought you naturally should believe in it. then either drama or no drama eventually wears you out. you starts doubting if it is a madeup concept or you just have only seen variations of its illustions. but there are times and situation you thought "this could suggest something like it, but is it?"
.......

amused by myself getting drunk with wannanbes in susie wang at night. dress up as sharp and smart carrying on 2 hour long presentation the day after, back reading krishnamurti for fear and pleasure. tingeling, who are you.

i am in another stage in my life now. i can smell it feel it almost touch it. the sense of doing something you are supposed to do is a great and tingling feeling. so the imperfection in personal front is almost comforting and, well. i am relieved in some way.

you are lucky but not that lucky...

read and go back to read. the answer is in facing yourself.


"For the total development of the human being, solitude as a means of cultivating sensitivity becomes a necessity. One has to know what it means to be alone, what it is to meditate, what it is to die; and the implications of solitude, of meditation, of death, can be known only by seeking them out. These implications cannot be taught, they must be learnt. One can indicate, but learning by what is indicated is not the experiencing of solitude or meditation. To experience what is solitude and what is meditation, one must be in in a state of inquiry; only a mind that is in a state of inquiry is capable of learning. But when inquiry is suppressed by previous knowledge, or by the authority and experience of another, then learning becomes mere imitation, and imitation causes a human being to repeat what is learnt without experiencing it."

--saturday night.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

there are always something...


i'm so over it.

it's not so much that i have ever been anti- party, more that i simply couldn't engage in the ritual of socializing centered around nothing anymore. the glow of the initial excitement over such a short period of "active time" had clearly worn off by now.

perfect.

tonight marks the end of an era. really i think it's about knowing when you have utilized the medium for its purpose.

There are friends who are healthily stimulating, some others who are just intoxicating. the difference is more clearly in the after-effects. i'm not very toxic by these to start with. even though the singlehood syndome need to find a way out of my system i guess. but, in retrospect, i really did not need to be on this mode.

i'll remember that in the future.

like han said: we are just different. so be it. be a virgo snob.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

798



saw alot, see little inspiring.

need another window

Thursday, June 28, 2007

nacha video clip description for UK exbition

Music:
What You Waiting For——Gwen Stefani

Clip Description:

Combining video-photography and synthesized technique, the clip juxtaposes the bodylanguage of several characters from varied social backgrounds and pose them all against a familiar, peaceful backdrop, in attempt to interpret their varied understanding of extrication under constraits.

Through shifts and ruptures in visual clashes between characters, between characters and background, between video and audio; the work particularly addresses the core issue underneath all—the clashes: between one’s inner self and alter ego.

Blurring the boundaries of class, circumstance and other distinct categories that separate people, the clip explores the common human dilemma- free will and the feeling of inescapable constraints. By addressing this particular clash, the work suggests a paradoxical resolution: one might have to pursue serenity through intensive outburst. Extrication then can be followed by peace.

dont think it flows right but with such a chinese text. who can do it better?
作品说明:
影像采用拍摄与合成的方式,将不同阶层的人物置于一个安静平和的背景前,让片中的人物用肢体语言表达他们对于发泄的理解。
作品通过制造视觉冲突,例如:人物与背景的冲突,人物与人物之间的冲突,以及视觉与听觉的冲突,来体现每个阶层的人外表与心灵的冲突。从中表现不同阶层的人,虽有着不同的物质背景和社会地位,却都无法逃脱心灵被压抑的现象。进一步反思,在人们渴望摆脱压抑,回归平和的心灵时往往却只能用激烈的方式才能得以解脱。

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

lost in transfering

blog is a brilliant idea.

lost all my picutres in this computer while trying to release more space. only thing left are these ones here.

okey. back to zero.

go.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

PRC. public relation of china

Friday, June 15, 2007

inferiority vs. intimidation

it was a fun pool party (without a pool), on a terrace that overlooking night beijing where everyone on top of it feels a sense of "i made it up here" heroic contentment, just for the night at least.

i certainly flirted while chatting, joking, debating, but unlike most people, still lack of a clear purpose behind and no "episode" in return. M told me i were intimidating in some way, he says it's because i articulate my thoughts so clearly and didnt give other time to breathe. hmm. and the situation led to a healthy discussion that turned out great.

i certainly don't want to be intimidating. i want to be warm and inviting. i want to be an exciting place to turn to.

that seems so counter-intuitive. i came from a very powerless, voiceless childhood. i only read, listened, never talked. i was a wallflower, if you can believe it. as my intellectual self-acceptance grew, my words became my sword. being understanding brought people closer to me. being understood brought me closer to people. as a reaction to survival, i became a warrior of it (words and truth). it is that high level of articulation that helps me get what i need out of most situations. help others find what they need. my words are intended to invite truth (even darker truth) and recognition, create a bridge, open a door, invite someone in, send someone away.

when a pattern surfaces, it's important to give it merit. if several people have had a similar response, i need to look at the mirror that they are holding up. what is my part in it? it can't just be about people's insecurities with their own levels/styles of communication. that may be part of it. but i'm the common denominator in all of these situations, so i need to see how i use my sword. i want to be both strong and open, have conviction and be humble. i want the people in my life to be encouraged by my presence to be themselves and speak their own truths, trusting both themselves and me in the process. if someone doesn't trust me, that certainly doesn't serve either of us.
sometimes it confuses me how to be in this world. but most of time, i talk like i know. strange.

Friday, June 08, 2007

金陵13钗

现代汉语在海外生花原来也可以这般灿烂。自惭文化失语的借口。原来加州农村种地弄花居然也能磨练这般坚韧的文字。

作家原来是这样的。

佩服。还是要读书啊。

码这么多垃圾干什么?

x

Sunday, June 03, 2007

theflowmarket




Wednesday, May 30, 2007

deadline is the best inspiration

i am lazy beyond functionality.

m enjoyed bj."even if you are a predator,no prey here then no game. i feel free just to be with me. with you. free to unwind. free to just fucking be."

m told me i need to be snapped out of my numbness, alive "as you used to be".

my deadline is up.
need action.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

30+ (revising......) deadline 4

走近神话


联合国最新定义的“青年”时间段 :18岁到45岁。

最新流行的生活方式是“30is the new 20!”。

这是个鼓励”不服老“的人生态度,但不鼓励正视衰老的时代。

可惜 不正视不等于不存在,如同了解处理生活中其他问题一样: 正视是解决问题的第一步。你可以调节梳妆台不太讨好的灯光,但是不能躲得过其他人光天化日下的端详。比如想想校友重逢的情景:由衷的,也是刹那的重逢喜悦过后,剩下的喝茶时间漫长,谁不是在暗暗互相找岁月的痕迹. 互相评判风采仍依旧或是风韵仅犹存? 只有Thather坦然。铁娘子说过,“活了些年脸上连点痕迹都没有,岂不亏了?!”

如此计较年轮得失的女人恐怕还是少数。 成熟女人多少对青涩黄毛丫头有些不屑,却也无法不承认“青春逼人”的现实。如何能鱼与熊掌兼得,能让“成熟青春”不留痕少留痕是女人恐怕除了爱情,永远不能不关心的课题。

高科技是现代人的新宗教,现代科学的力量,到了女人的脸上,成了终极救赎。我们当然是宁可信其有用不可信其无用。日新月异的抗衰老和养生延年产品,让人不由自主得期待“不老的神话”,至少能从自己这一代开始,突破实现。

但首先,让我们分析一下就皮肤而言,什么标志“老”?好像非常简单:“笑纹,眼袋,色斑“三大罪魁祸首。当然超脱地看,他们也不能算是”种种皮肤细节问题“,而是象Thather说的,是时间磨练女人成熟魅力时派生的副产品,科学地看, 皮肤首先是身体面积最大的呼吸器官和感官系统,身体状况的晴雨表, 三大罪魁祸首不过是邮递员,传达一个简单的信息:现在身体细胞分裂更新量≤死亡数了。或者用古人的理论气血耗窒。 理智地分析, 没有任何力量可以改变每个细胞生命周期(28天左右),没有任何力量可以改变每个人生就的“气”数。 不过,不要忘了 “质”和“量”几乎同等重要,这就是希望所在。

古人讲究,(也是老生长谈的至理名言) 脸观气色,所谓气血畅通,心态通达的时候,面色自然红润而富有弹性。所以维持好身体和保持好心情是真正的回春术和回春药。 所以就皮肤而言,我们借助外力能做的其实就只能是制表不制里. 而根据西医理论,更宣称从维生素从A到Z,加上化学元素表上的大部分成员,都是提高细胞质量的强劲帮手。所以相信“科技战胜一切”的乐观派,有理由青睐Guailian, Lancome, La Mer和La Pair之类的白金产品。富维他命A 和维他命C的产品能够促生胶原蛋白,维持皮肤弹性;维生素K是新宠,能均匀肤色,消炎镇静,所以能够帮助减少色斑和黑眼圈。黄铜素是40岁以上成熟女人需要外补加内补的元素,可以提高体内雌性荷尔蒙的含量。 当然众多品牌都会宣传“富含“以上提到的原料,但是产品的效果却相差甚远。主要是因为维生素A和C等元素很不稳定,能够真的把他们的活性成分”锁在神奇小盒子“里,是要花大价钱的事。所以名贵奢侈品牌的成本,除了华贵包装和Fancy市场宣传之外,多花在研发上,所以一分钱一分货也体现在这里。

现代传统派注重中西结合。防氧化是现代人面临的新课题。皮肤专家的比喻就是“削了皮的苹果暴露在大气中和浸泡在盐水里的叙别“。电脑辐射,尾气污染和空调环境,现代人的矛盾就在于要这样边污染边治理。结论是:新课题解决办法还是要靠老药方。研究表明绿茶,芦荟,柑橘,菊花,等等自然植物的防氧化功能是其他人工提取制造的有效元素无法比拟的。而具有BOTOX功能的DETOX等科技新发现能帮助局部减少肌肉敏感度,从而减少皱纹的产生,也是行之有效的延缓衰老的手段。如果你相信科学的神奇和自然的力量,这类化妆品可能更有说服力。 看了让人有“看来回天有术!“的欣喜。各种原料从”蓝金“到”再生因子“,名目繁多,目的是激发身体自我调节的能力。

当然也有人忠实大众品牌。BODYSHOP 创始人Anita Roddick六十年代首创的化妆品行销世界,品牌名类上千种,但是她本人宣称自己日常只用凡士林和海盐护肤。“没有什么比得上一个简单的润肤霜和磨砂膏!”。她相信一个人自己能作的最好的皮肤保养不过是随时保持水分和定期祛除死皮。至于化妆品的去皱美白等等功能,她是最不屑一顾的:“我不知到为什么这个行业允许谎言惑众“。这也提醒了大家一个对美容产品的误解:“质量检验认证“都只是通过科学的检测方法,确认产品说明书上列的成分,但不是”功能“。如果你注意的话,很多产品宣称3-4周内有效。这其实是有科学根据的:还记的细胞生命周期吗?28天。

没有任何化妆品可以立竿见影的今天抹明天见效。无论是什么化妆品,即使有效也需要最少28天的时间实现它的诺言。原因很简单:我们的细胞28天一个周期全身裂变更新一次,皮肤当然也是如此。在更新的周期里,及时帮助人体加强营养是皮肤营养化妆品能作到的。至于其他“年轻10岁“的希望,就还是要靠彩妆的“视觉错觉“效果和神情举止实现了。当然,那就是另外的话题了,且听下回分解。



如何睡个美人觉?


“春眠不觉晓”的悠然,古来有之。悠闲阶层独享和提倡的情怀境界多就是这么奢而不侈的逍遥。今天看来,特别对女人,更是有淳淳教义的味道:要“美人如花”,就要给她“春雨润物细无声”的时间,清静和滋养。

到了今天,无论是现代科技还是明星个例又都证明,所谓“健康”不是一定“没有努力就没有收获“的正比数学公式。除了在跑步机上和桑拿室里拼搏之外,也有所谓不劳而获的好事:聪明女人要会以“视睡如归”的坦然,孕育桃花盛开的光彩。


美人觉的重要性

很多人以为“睡觉“是困了的时候该做的事。如同渴了才喝水一样,说的严重点,都有些亡羊补牢,晚了一步。 人体的自动报警系统经常和我们开这么个时间差玩笑,我们自己需要意识到,睡眠时间是你唯一给身体专心休养生息的机会。(其他时间,你也知道它有多超负荷工作,而且是同时间多项目管理,没有顾此失彼已经是奇迹了。)

睡眠理论上讲,可以帮助降低血液中的压力,提高荷尔蒙和肾上腺素的数量。也就是说是最直接自然的”抗忧郁“逍遥丸。心情低落的时候,上床睡一觉,不是自欺欺人的缓冲之计,而可能是最聪明的解决棘手问题的直接方法。试验表明,低质量的睡眠可以让一个20岁健康的人的大脑象一个60岁的人的大脑一样不灵活。所以,先让脑子灵光才是硬道理。个性魅力是要脑力的。白天超人的记忆力和灵敏的谈吐是大脑休养生息的产品,都要靠晚间高质量的睡眠保证!

睡眠对皮肤的作用是众所周知的了, Origins的一位科学家Lieve DeClercq就强调:“夜间肌肤再生的速度几乎是白天的30倍。如果你是一个长期失眠症患者,毋庸置疑你会比其他人老的快。” 拉丁美人Penelope Cruz的排戏时间之外,每天要睡15个小时的觉,说是她家族密传习惯。效果如何?镜头眼光雪亮。

美人觉的道理也很简单:睡眠补充肌肤细胞中的胶元质,使之再生。睡眠糟或者短的话,肌肤内的血液循环速度减慢,细胞再生就越少。特别是眼部周围,因为表层有许多细密血管,血液减缓,会使一部分血液充斥在眼部周围而造成黑眼圈和眼袋 。

问题是,我们越想追求良好的睡眠,就越难做得到。如何达到“纯眠不觉晓“的安然境界在今天,是现代人一个有挑战性的课题。谈不上对号入座的指导,但是如果你发现自己,早晨梳妆台前,腮红也不能轻易遮睡眠质量不佳的憔悴感,就应该采取些行动了:

睡觉前该准备的东西

• 晚霜 皮肤夜间失水情况比我们想像的严重。 使用含有Night-A-Mins (高矿物酣梦肌肤重建护肤系列)和含有抗氧化维他命C和E的skin ceuticals c+e serum 强效精华素可以帮助肌肤晚间再生。如果你永远是在疲劳状态下睡眠,更可以考虑使用一些强力的肌肤修复辅助用品。Re-Nutriv再生晚霜 运用皮肤里的钙来激活其修复机制,运用绿色海藻来修复白天紫外线的伤害,而且运用透明质酸保湿,是一品多能的省心选择。雅诗兰黛精华晚霜也不错。能明显改善肌肤状况,让肌肤充分利用夜间时段调整,清晨重现光彩。

• 情调睡衣。 Allegra Hicks的温情设计,身体在抚摸而不是隔膜的感觉中入睡,自然有催眠的效果。
• Pratesi被单 很多睡眠专家都会向你推荐,钱要花在点上的人,先购置套好的床上用品。专业术语叫“睡眠卫生学”。
• 失眠药。大部分人对失眠药有抵触感。实际上现在很多药物不会产生任何依赖反应也没有副作用,不妨考虑在药箱里储备。 Lunesta 和L-theanine(左旋茶氨酸)都是从草本植物中提取具有镇定作用成分的药品, 有助镇定而且不会让人上瘾,辗转反侧的时候不如相信科学的力量。
• 精油熏陶。 精油可以通过肺部直接被吸收入血液,所以睡觉的时候也可以起到了好的解毒和镇定的效果。 薄荷油和姜就能有助于缓解由于过度疲劳导致的头疼和恶心。至于熏衣草的作用就不用多言了。

有效的睡眠技巧
 打开卧室的窗户,让室内保持通风。夜晚室内燥热会刺激肌肤,造成眼部浮肿,头发干燥。当然通风和门户大开是两个概念。加湿器的作用不个小视,特别是能够和精油结合的话,更有一举多得的作用。
 读本象Bill Bryson的《万物简史》一样无聊书, 夸克的理论,或者Angelina和Brad谈世界贫困和建筑美学问题,也有异曲同工之妙。长的漂亮演技有限的演员,看看就好,听。。。
 吃便宜的巧克力。如果你打算在晚饭后吃点美味的Prestat松露巧克力,恐怕就要准备好一夜无眠或无梦了。 巧克力的质量越好,可可因和其中的咖啡因(以及一种在茶里也可以发现的刺激物)含量就越高。 所以晚上如果实在想偷吃禁果,可以准备些便宜的,低可可因的巧克力。又经济,又能保持镇静又解嘴头之痒。
 夜间加餐。假装自己重回13岁再开始晚上翻冰箱的夜间自娱自乐。许多女人在上床的时候都处于饥饿状态,即使知道一口面包就可以确保一夜安眠,他们也不会也不敢吃,凌晨4点醒来的时候还怪自己神经脆弱。其实吃的饱睡的香是有科学依据的。米饭,燕麦和小麦都有镇定神经的作用,碳水化合物会导致羟色胺含量的升高,它和脂肪的结合产生的糖份是最自然的催眠物质,
 如果在睡觉前你确实喝了酒,就一定要在睡觉前再喝点奶,牛奶含有帮助睡眠的色氨酸,又可以充当神奇的抗氧化药物,在睡觉的时候抚慰肝和脾,也就让身体工作压力大的解毒器官放松休息,从而提高睡眠质量。
 常旅行的人受失眠的折磨会更频繁。倒时差是没有什么灵丹妙药的了。但是记住如果你是从西往东飞,最好早上出门,如果你是从西往东飞,那就最好选在下午晚些时候再出门,这样可生物钟比较容易调节,身体适应的也会快些。

有效的睡眠疗法

 Ewan McGregor的催眠治疗医师Max Kirsten说,克服不良睡眠习惯的一个重要环节是重新培养大脑有意识休息的习惯,心理暗示和催眠治疗法是简单有效的方法。
 针刺疗法可以用外力强制,重新调整肌体的睡眠时间。 要入睡,前提是身体必须放松。所以针灸可以帮助放松紧绷的肌肉和中枢神经系统,从而解决睡眠准备问题。
 蓝色调的东西据说对失眠怔患者很有效。蓝色有助于放松脑电波活动,这可能也是世界70%人度假首选海滩的原因吧。加勒比海的多巴哥海水,据说是世界上最蓝的地方。。。不过如果你要解决当前呆在家里的睡眠问题,就先试试把卧家里涂成愉悦的淡蓝色吧。
 性爱。 鱼 水 之 欢,还用多说吗?

世界级睡眠帮手


 瑞典Hastens是世界3大奢侈床具之一。贵为瑞典皇家专用床, 也是所有瑞典大使搬家都不会舍弃的基础家私。 HASTENS低调自然。全部由纯自然材料如马毛,棉,亚麻和纯新羊毛制成。百年经典,价值不菲但是物有所值。
 Hypnos席本诺名床为英国经典,英国女皇钟爱。由开士米,丝和羊羔毛自然材料精心打造,价格在2000英镑6000英镑之间,是奢侈床具里的“经济实惠“款。
 芝加哥四季酒店的床全部由Omaha Mattress公司制造。据说是Julia Roberts倾心的美人觉帮手。
 西伯利亚或匈牙利的鹅毛枕头 俄罗斯有句俗话:“没有坏天气,只有不合适的衣服。”同样原理也适用于床上用品,天气越冷,就越需要好的被褥。Harrods百货公司出售的匈牙利鹅毛枕头,据说是戴安娜公主美人觉的首选。
 曼哈顿帝国大厦24层的MetroNaps(都市小睡公司)。该公司设有多套称为“豆荚打盹区”的设备,专门向过度疲劳的纽约人提供舒适宁静的20分钟小憩服务;休息过程中配有悠闲的音乐,你还可以预订份寿司,以供醒来之后享用。购物之余,想想小小美人觉的大作用,不妨慷慨自己一下!
 还有就是飞到土耳其和凯科斯群岛上Palms酒店。他们的手编床上铺的都是480针一平方厘米精细的埃及棉被单。躺在这样的床上,看者天堂风景,听者潮声,肯定你能体验仙人境界。如果还是无眠,就真的要再想想凡人的办法了。

Monday, May 21, 2007

An old friend is coming from afar, more than happy...

M is coming! confirmed.

i didnt realize i missed her. she has been stored in the backup hard drive of my mind that i normally ignore.

i dont look back.

i dont believe, cant accept life is accumulated history.
so i am bad at keeping contacts. it takes certain patience and personality for someone to remain in my life. it is not a matter of choice. it just happens.

friends remind you who you are, insist on who it is you remain. like old or recent pix, which do you prefer?


i dont keep any old pictures with care. they are just pieces. the bits were never really parts of me. they were momentary catch of a posed smile. i almost cant bear to see them now, who i laughed with, whom i shared "secrets", fallen out fallen away.

numb.

m is not like a friend. we dont not have to talk, not have to impress, not have to do anything particular at all together. we can just share the same space like old couple. you normally cant do that with a friend. you have to establish yourself as amusing, interesting or at least "nice". too much silence itches in human interaction.

with M. silence is allowed.

that is rare.

thought of the other 2, j and m. when 4 of us ran cross Brooklyn bridge together and flirted with those Orthodox jewish boys walking by.


where are they now.

where am i?

Sunday, May 20, 2007

otw airport...



it seems all my life i have been saying/hearing goodbyes.

locationwise, my dreams are others reality and vice versa. so we dream lofty dreams marching forwards all we set out for.

i know we will meet again.blahblah today is the first day of the rest of your life blahblah. every departure/arrival suggests another transition and extro-introspectively search blahblah.

"the bow whispers to the arrow,
your freedom,
is mine"
- straybirds

Thursday, May 17, 2007

"just don't confuse me with my confessions."




this moment is a vision quest. i rise outside of myself to see more clearly. and from up here, i know it's going to be as it was intended to be. from up here, i feel everything. i know your secrets, i speak your language. from up here, all possibilities exist.

i'm cracked in half. one side of me is on an adventure resembling a search-for-purpose, rising and tumbling and accepting the whole as i relent forward in deception. the other side of me is stripped bare and soaked in ginger coke. an illusion. scraped open. it's all right here. and in the distance, where the other half of me resides, it's perfect horizons and hope-infused denial. it's alright there.

i am participating in a floating world filled with shadow puppet vignettes and posh safaris. this world is a show. a myth. a choice. a grand performance who's encore is infinite. i am a master of escape and adaptation as i vacillate between at least two worlds and yet still function above par in more than a few areas. you people. i've noticed myself saying that a lot lately. i'm impressed with you people. wake up every day to eat to work to f* to disagree to make to do to clean to lay to rest. without making choices. only act.

i will end up going where the heart is.
just waiting for the sign.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

back to beijing



tokyo man london lady. life gave me more options than i possiblely need.

both called me tonight.

holding the universe in my palm as i weigh options. patterns, choices, priorities. i am trying to see the message spelled out in the clouds.

cant wait for my swedish summer.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

tokyo milan london stokcholm beijing in one month


what is happening in my stars?

i dont know if i am excited or anxious or more likly terrified by all the unknowns on the road.

tokyo: never a spiderman fan, what am i going to ask tobey and kirsten face to face? maybe i flip out and crack up... 'ANOTHER SHITY ONE!dont we all agree!"=)

all these designed and cool stuff&people in milan. well. lets pretend it will be fun and fabulous.

london, some classes with some ivory tower men, why not. good for the ego.

sveadala, "jag vill leva jag vill do i..." yeah?

why do i come back to BJ.

where no one is waiting, except the so called

destiny.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

N...


和n系列有n次频繁机缘。

为N93系列机“我的一天”拍了我个人仰马翻,c(reate)- i- y 谈何容易。商家忽悠大家,想说服大家自我表现欲望和自我表现能力是因果关系,靠我们“专业人士”作秀,大部分人还真买账。所以这么多新奇玩意,功能强大到形而上的地步,还是卖的和热土豆似的。土豆网有来头。

N95发现之旅发布会做的这么驾轻就熟,开始真的怀疑tingeling是有点天分的。“妙语生花”也许因为对“作势”骨子里的不以为然?--怎么那么多人对那么多无聊的事那么认真呢?多无趣?!不能怪我幽默他们一把,他们喜悦着照单全收。

tingeling算得上是有点趣的人,真的。

终于学着一点点自恋了,刚找到点门道。

又幽默了自己一把。

Saturday, April 07, 2007

前世今生



在stoneboat碰到老板A,学osho多年的神人。不请自来就和我和小力聊起来。看我两眼,告诉我我有young heart, old soul.前世,前几世都是云游和尚,因此善良,慈悲,素食,喜欢玄学,少时数次大难不死,长起“不男不女”柔媚有余,性感不足,今生只来体验人间现世喜乐,虽然有时改不了救世的使命感。33岁起成就“作回人间小女人”的因缘,从此余生圆满。

小力已经忍了一下午我带者矫情花帽子穿者高跟鞋,抱怨自己和男人平行线的关系。笑了又笑:“你是想学荤也学不会的素和尚,a前世一定是个斜教巫婆,今生也不悔改!”小力是基督徒,剧作家的她言简意赅表明立场-“别当回事啊,除了上帝的话,我对谁的话都难免有些不屑,包括自己的,抱歉啊。”

我端详了一会儿A,眉眼间有小智慧但是大不对劲。脸上原生的焦灼和狡猾千丝万缕,真象是有由来,却同时又的确闪烁着真实的喜悦和祥和。osho不适合每个人,但看得出她似乎真的从中找到了平静。每个人寻解脱方法不同,但是只要是吃饱睡好还不知足的我辈中人,不同道也可以有缘。

反正她不求我信,我不求她准。她要印证的喜悦,我给她好了。

回家妈妈来电话,说今天是观音生日。看窗外祥云漫天。

easter, passover,清明,众路神仙最近都很忙,蹊跷事情不断。

春天来了,我不过想作回小女人,谈回恋爱。

A还是对了。

Thursday, April 05, 2007

游戏?


世界上分三种人:
喜欢玩游戏且玩得极好的,
玩的极好的却懒的玩的,
玩得不好又厌烦的

基本不存在喜欢玩会玩不好的,万事兴趣第一。

E成了个例外。

和梦中女郎M订婚后,还天南海北网上调情,甚至开始涉足“发廊”,未婚妻M借用电脑,自动登陆的msn泄露天机。M正在努力宝贝计划,也许这也是个慈悲神迹?

但是为什么?!

精神的平衡是相对的,它除了遵循其它法则外,也会听从来自深夜的建议,黑暗的力量。

《中庸》第一章,“君子慎其独也。”君子在人前人后一个样,在独处的时候,即使别人看不到你在做什么,看不到你在说什么,也不会做什么偷鸡摸狗的事情。

独身,真正的考验。

经不起,所以有故事,出是非。

21 21 vision (deadline 12th april)


"if the perfect sight is 20, 20, then our vision is to be 21 21" - issey miyake

japanese has long been known as perfectionist, now they are taking a leap forward to, yes, beyond perfection.

i have always found an archetecutal touch in issey miyake's desgin. his "one piece of cloth" design standpoint is transformed to this 21 21 design sight in TOKYO MIDTOWN, as "a piece of steel" in an elegant and powerful architecutal form, that requires high- standard construction and miyake's style imagination

21 21 is not only a museum or gallery that shows exbits, but also a place presenting the entire design process from the start to finish through archetectual models, photography, drawing and installations. architect ando san told me his interest lies in
creating a space for researching the potentiality of design as an element that enriches daily life, a place to forster the public intersts in design, by arousing them from different sights and perspectives on how we can view the world and objects surrounding us.

japan impressed me indeed. "lost in translation" did a great job sterotyping the world's most populated city with neolights and ginza skycrapers, storytelling from a western-centered "we dont understand, and dont want to make any effort either"angle that is funny to some extent, but it failed to capture the city's essence- a village where everyone strictly follows a certain code of conduct, as first being "public first private second", to make living with fellow 35million citizens in harmony possible. tokyo does not have, finds no need to have a "urban planning division". yet, everything works here, miraculously smooth.

standing on the top of roppogi tower overlooking the massive city, i tried to picture what is happening in some of spots i have been: who is chatting in the small saki bar of 6 seats now? who is having a chic haircut in the hair salong while boyfriends waiting and having rose in outdoor seatings served by the hairdresser's assistant; who is taking out little radio and home-baked cookies preparing hanami party for cherry blossom by the river...

k encourages me to "change one thing for one's country", maybe should start with " smile and bow"?

Labels:

Monday, April 02, 2007

why should you always look inpectable even on a monday afternoon



1. your assistant surprises you with a new contract, and you have to go to ogilvy to sign while wearing sneakers and hairband.

2. the person you meet in ogilvy turns out to be a teenager- looking excecutive and been your tv-program fan for 3 years (one of the 39 altogether in the world). her facial expression was mixed with admiration and slight disappointment after recognizing you...

3. your editor greets you:"did you get a cold?" you answer:" ...yeah."

4. your boss tells you the wardrobe-allowance will not be cut down this year. (great!)

5. Mr. Big impossible pops by his regular spot at unlikely hour and catches you offguard, esp. when he himself looks million bucks, plus crying out" alas, how come you look like this?" you tries to charm with wits but fails. your assistant tells you the gentleman looks your age.

6. Mr. annoying tells you- you look good, no matter what...

Labels:

Sunday, April 01, 2007

beijingmuse



我的朗道 MY TAO

(一)河

去年冬天,我把家搬到了离市中心20公里的地方。

我希望由此获得新的生活和自由体验。

那里有这个大城市不多见的树林,一条绵延的树木繁茂的林间路,还有一条拥有美丽名字的河。

那时,地上的草是枯的,树上没有树叶,河面上封着薄薄的冰。每天经过河边的时候,我会幻想这里春天的样子,甚至想起朱自清的句子“..…山,朗润起来了,水,涨起来了,太阳的脸红起来了……”

当春天真的来了,树木发芽了,草叶变绿了,冰化了,但是露出的是湿漉漉的河床,并没有流动的河水。我于是又在期盼和担忧中盼望着雨季。今年的雨水很多,无论晴天雨天,我每天看着这条河。现在秋天已经来了,但是河水还是没有充沛地流动起来。

近一年的时间里,我养成了观察河的习惯;我会每天注意我经过的河,城市里的河很多是正在装修的样子,护城河-半露着水泥砖砌成的河床,但是迟迟没有水。郊外的一处自然水域,非常美丽,于是人们开始围绕它兴建起时尚餐厅和酒吧,但是我居然看到,餐厅的污水是直接排进河水的。几乎所有相对洁净的水域都是房地产商和人们追逐的地方,人们将这些地方用于钓鱼,划船,水上餐饮,娱乐等等。

安静的,洁净的,自然的水域越来越少。

北京的河,令我担忧。我不知道它们从什么时候开始水少的,我也不知道是否有河水可以再次流动起来,在我繁忙的生活和工作时间之外,我甚至没有更多时间想起它们,更多关注它们。但是它是如此牵动我,让我想到人的生命,还有这个城市的生命。







(二)道

最近看过一个设计短片《POWER OF TEN》.拍摄于上世纪70年代,但是即使今天看来,它仍然具有前瞻的科学浪漫和经典精神。影片拍摄的是美国,某个周末午后,一对恋人在草地野餐后,躺在洒满阳光的草地上午睡。镜头从离开他们身体10米,即10的1次方,向下靠近身体达到皮肤,即10米的零次方,然后10米的-1,-2次方,进入皮肤,看到细胞内部…;然后逐渐回到离身体10米的零次方的地方,然后向上,到10米的1,2,3次方,…离开地面,升上高空,离开地球,进入太阳系…这是我们的视线跟随镜头在日常生活世界进入微观世界及宏观世界的一次旅行。影片没有表现任何情绪和感情,留给我们自由的想象空间。

很久以来,我一直试图找到一种介质或者一种沟通,可以让自己在自身和外界,生活与工作;现在与未来之间保持和谐,同时自然自由切换,消除冲突和阻滞。

去年,我创建了自己的公司,我把它叫做“朗道”,这是一家很小的新公司,从事商业创新和设计管理培训咨询。在此之前,我总感觉自己的生活,特别是工作,在平静的外表下处于无形而深层的矛盾中。在我身处的家具行业,很多中国企业,只追求利润,它们抄袭产品,但只注重外型,没有未来方向。我也去过广东一些城市,看到“蓬勃”的“365天不落幕”的展览会,还有在10里长街不断重复的,大量的,相似的产品。在这样的环境下,城市逐渐形成了一个典型的面孔-开放发展型中国城市,除了植物可以告诉我们身在何种气候环境,除此之外,每个城市的人和建筑都惊人的相似,但是城市的文化和环境都被忽略了。这是一个充斥着产品和生产的世界,人们追逐和享受生产带来的财富和满足。

朗道策划的第一个培训项目叫“百草纲目”,取义中国历史医学经典“本草纲目”,我们采用五种植物针对中国企业五种问题,以身体健康和外部环境的关系比喻企业成长和外部环境的关系。希望促进一部分中国企业从新的空间,时间,关系思考成功和未来,关注商业创新,原创设计和可持续竞争能力。使更多企业从盲目生产走向个性化创新的未来,规划长久和根本性的成功与和谐是我们的目标。

朗道的LOGO图像来自于我的儿子读的天文书籍,那是地球磁力线的照片。我想这是我在漫长的找寻中开始实践的道,寻找那些看不到的联系和规律。道是无形的,但它是万物的来源以及归宿。如果一定要用比喻,我喜欢把它比作光,人们看不见光,但是光能够令我们看到世界。往往看不见的东西是重要并且强大的。

我籍此获得平静,快乐和力量。

A MOTHER THAT WANTS TO CHANGE LIFE FOR HER AND HER SON


"Men, methods and machine, all cheap enough to be accessible to virtually any business in china. it is the mindset that makes a difference. Development doesn’t start with goods; it starts with people and education, organization and discipline: holding up business to the mirror of Tao is my way of contributing to "Chinese material civilization"--- tang lan, design management training consultant

Last winter, i moved out of the city, A 25-minute- car ride away in a good day and double even triple the time away on a typical Beijing day. i didn’t look up city's future planning for this area before the purchase, and it was my excited neighbor who told me about the planned metro station. What made me tick was an imagined garden of lush green and a dancing river just 5 minutes walk away.

It became a habit of mine to observe the river everyday since then. But after the spring melted ice way, the river never woke up, even after the raining season. It lies still, half naked under the riverbank, more embarrassing than sad. Can a still river also be called a river? I "discovered" a nice lake nearby later. But soon it also became an open secret. Following the popularity came posh restaurants from which I saw used water dismissed directly to the lake. The lake turned muddy green in 2 months. We don’t live with nature here, we only consume, and certainly we have to pay for it, all of us.

For a long time, I have been looking for a medium, or a language of my own to communicate a cultivated sense of harmony, transforming life and work, mind and heart, little me and colossal world into a comprehensive fellowship rather than a head to head dead-end battle. After all i am a mum first, then a training consultant.

The cover of my son's astronomy textbook inspired me to create my company logo. The image of light sweeping around a planet moved me. As
a Taoist in denial, the closest metaphor of Tao i can come up with, to explain my son, is the light- it is omniscient yet we don’t see it, but it helps us see the world. I believe an educational system, no matter how specialized or how dynamic, needs to be connected to a centre, like rays emanating from the sun. The centre is constituted by our most basic convictions, by those ideas which really have the power to move us. So I incorporate "Tao" into my company name: doing business the Right way.

Following real estate market boom comes China's "refurbishing era", the best time and the worst time for domestic furnishing and design industry indeed. Few are not exhilarated with the young industry's achievement that transformed the face of Chinese home in record speed. But the industry's many internal problems were worsened together with the miracle.” quantity over quality" is the Bible rule for many of today's local market players. The usual rule of thumb in creative industry of "being the first" is adapted to " being the first to copy". The fast track racing game inflames a negative competitive environment that kills creativity and subsequently the industry's sustainable growth. After working in this industry for 10 years, I chose to step aside and try to be the first to call for a change, although aware that ultimately the change can only come from market players collectively. "Good idea but too early" was the typical comment I get from most people. But I am not in a hurry.

Even though most of our teachers come from design Mecca Italy, I designed our training curriculum named after a Chinese medicine encyclopedia, 本草纲目,
"Compendium of Materia Medica". Chinese medicine doesn’t treat a patient only as an independent entity, but a part of the dynamism of which one's physical condition is directly related to its interaction with the environment. This explains ancient Chinese reverence to nature. By looking into both the source of a patient's problems and considering other outside influence, a doctor then prescribes a remedy accordingly. Painkiller- like immediate impact is not the priority, because it is considered to be short-lived and usually "tackles only the stem not the roots". Real healing takes time and starts within and realizing a problem is the first step to better being.

I try to facilitate this knowledge and way of thinking in our training program. 5 courses are named after 5 herbal plants, each targeting to tackle one typical problem that companies suffer internally or/and facing outside. According to each individual case, courses are mixed "in different portion and doze", but the focus is always-- be a fair and active market player with a niche, based on the conviction that contributing to the industry's vitality and healthy growth will guarantee one's own long-term returns.

I am sure I will be successful. But my perception of success maybe also quite different: I see doing business as practicing internal Qigong: It all starts from within, you can go with the flow, try all directions and movements, yet as long as you are in touch with the centre, in no doubt about your basic conviction, you are on the right track and the inner clarity will give you strength. It of course takes time. But if you believe it, take your time, because time is on your side.

Labels:

Saturday, March 31, 2007

sukura



things dont last.

move on.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

vilken j* stan!



k lever inte bara som en viking, numera som en kung.

den stora fragan e...idag har jag tankt i alla fall.

tokyo, tokyo, om du inte kan leva har, kan du inte leva nan annanstans

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

more than smart phone


If everything happens for a reason, i truly wonder about this one. a high- tec myth.

can you believe it?

I bought a new phone a while ago, the biggest cell and smallest computer you can imagine and has all functions that's contemporarily possible: 3 G, wifi, keyboard, video and camara, voice-dailing, 512ram speed, 1080-750screen, ...

it is with no doubt smarter than i actually need .

and I certainly didnt expect the talkmachine would be so smart that it seems to walk its own walk, and wrote a short yet terribly amusing story along the way:

not long long time ago, it picked a person in its long and messy phonebook and decided to text message him, a person that i met initially for possible acquittance but not automatic intention for friendship or anything more. it did its persuasion to both ends that we should be something more, by sending a short sweet message repeatedly every day and reminding him about my existence and maybe somewhat disoriented longing. thereafter, a somewhat romantic on-keyboard relationship started developing, via mutually diligent exchanging text messaging arrows. the giving and catching was celebrated by "de da dida de"(tone)...

the best part about the story is what it happened TODAY.

after spending the whole exhausting day helping BNN, a dutch tv crew shooting in BJ about "NOT getting ready for Olympic". i was forced into a position to justify Chinese people;s behaviour: "why do they spit on the floor and to my face", (frets the the 20yrs old host, innocent with freckles on face).

i found no answer.

my phone instantly abandoned the usual texing approach, choosing to dial the person, someone expressed his "spitting" concern about fellow chinese not along ago.

all and all without slightest participation from my part, the mastress.


you dont believe it, but it is all true.

i had absolutely no clue how it did it and why.

what message it tries to send to me?! truth and facts are overevaluated.

All i know is that cultural difference is a real broken Babel. men are so funny habitual lyers you just should wry and shrug them off most things they say and do.

everyone thinks they are smarter than others.

my phone outsmarts all.


Monday, March 19, 2007

pick up a brush, and a dictionary



I am rarely bored.
it is said this is so because i am rarely boring to others. maybe. i bore myself frequently.
So i read, write, surf and bother to msn with B about my failed short flirt for 2 hours, do anything other than spending time alone with this simple yet complex double- sided self. what's wrong with this self?


strangely challenging, bizarre and flexible well-paying job, strong presence, cozy home, interesting opportunities for growth at every turn, and sensual loving energy healthily available to look for person of substance. i see why people become intrigued by me.

intellectualize everything yet still act with flow, vulnerable when attached, workaholic because of fundamental insecurity and basic distrust of happy ending. I see why i sometimes try to bore people and push them away.

(but, i miss you.)

"pickup a brush" was a great idea to help people like me to completely switch off. The host of the event "25n" was not my type of reads but it resonates with our paper's philosophy of "slow reading". The event idea was to give each participant, professional and amateur, a canvas and a brush to copy paint a part of the given picture in Casanova music and Italian wine. (everyone becomes an artist after a glass of wine.) the host then collects everyone's work and mounts them back to one complete piece, "auction for charity". I dont know who is going to buy it, but from distance the colloge looks suprisingly good although each piece varies from each other in every possible ways. Eyes can do amazing things to link pieces into a whole. how i wish our mind can do the same.

It is another corny idea like my muse, to provide a rather serene setting for people to be alone, yet together. It seems particularly corny in China because people are shy from doing things that give them nothing obvious and direct in return. a man spent 3 times chatting with you found you are still in a coffee house not on his couch, would consider you are a complete bore and he is wasting his time. well, considering being constantly in company of or be slightly attracted to taken men, i am a bore.

So the painting session i found actually liberating and warm, esp. guided through by D's wit, insight, humor and flirt-free care. B told me i am from 17th century, " having a gfriend is not strictly unavailable, many people move on from one relationship directly to another simply to avoid the time of being single". see, singlehood is such a desease that people try every vacination to prevent themself from. but how? people dont have time. and I dont have the guts, and sorrily i do have a heart.

i was so bored today that i created one my own explanations of a Chinese slang. courtesy of J, the first Chinese man(well, not really really but the closest i can come across)to think of flirting with.

Paoniu:
Although having a macho, non-PC intonation, Piaoniu is a shared activity by both sexes. After have chatted up a woman, man initiates and develops a sort of game that is played by both that are expected to behave in different manners. When man shows off his strength and wealth, to impress and to conquer woman, it is up to woman to create the magic of sparkle, then accept or deny the eventual casual intimacy with exquisite politeness. then game over.

I know you would call it dating. but it is not, because it doesnt go both ways and further development is not on the agenda. N reminds me there is a word called Dioa4 Kai3zi1 as a feminist term. I dont understand the word yet. takes more study to understand dating in China, esp. with Chinese man. P keeps reminding me i have becoming racial- sensitive than i ever have been and it is simply ridiculous to wish understanding "my own people" in man- woman front all of sudden now.

you are right, i give up. i am a banana, why trying to be a liche. When all men are either emperor or servant, maybe i have to be with my social comrades of larsson and svensson.

Lat mig vare
lat kina vare sig sjalv.
lat kinesisk men ga i h.../ bang.

Labels:

Friday, March 16, 2007

well- prepared war...


How strange these days i keep hearing the term "war" in daily chichat settings with apparently rather peaceful and content people.

M is in the mud of lawsuit though and when i tried to comfort her, she simply brushed me off:" gal, everything in life is war, you try your best to prepare, calculate the worst outcome that could happen, then just march on!"... J and his boys made me also realize maybe the power that drives yin-yang rotate and evolve is generated by the urge to win , not the hope to reconcile, the need to complete. i know how to talk with people, but never learned to talk with men.

MT promised to teach me how to "conquer" that, again, conquer. Self a hopeless romantic that moved to China for his Brazilian gfriend for the sake of Lword, he has no sympthy for me "because you are a wimp. i dont hold white flag, i need feel the triumph over doubt so i tell myself this is the one and this is the time and ready to change mind later=)" .. just to embarrass me by introducing me as " single, ms d", " you need some push, and i know you are brave you just hesitate to take stance, so you are powerless. but when you load up the first bullet, then no turning back. we just need find the target, lets...go to susie wang." oh sure...look fish in the woods...

ok, i go to foot massage with you, harmless substitute for absent gfriend. impossibility is sheild that we all can feel safe behind.

so tired of being such an bystander, somehow an inexperienced yet veteran adviser, never joined a battle, therefore never lost.

i bail. so lame.
p e a c e

Labels: ,

another stroke on COLORS


didnt go to this one but talked with J about it at QPhouse. now finally got a copy. Such a long time since working with it, Time flies in jet sets.

Last fall, pulled in by A, without any hesitation or reservation, I helped out G, editor in chief and worked for colors in the past 10 years, worked on a COLORS bj issue by pulling in writers, photographers and editor friends together. No one even bothered to ask for the rate or commission because they simply wanted to contribute to a magazine known for its "humanity worldwide" integrity. AFTER the project was finished, a sudden management change in Fabrica led to Greg's departure, merciless abortion of the original BJ issue, and promises of "double rate for all writings but no published work" to all the contributors, of which so far I still haven't received or heard anything new about.

I saw COLORS together with TANK in the launch party. easy to imagine: they both would be something quite interesting to flap through or simply serve as a style-setter in a swanky café crammed with artists, suited architects, lanky models, bobos and struggling interlopers, all talking and laughing in their relaxed fabulousness, anywhere in the world. but for TANK, at least it is just being its "fabulous self", for COLORS, it is a markup , something is not finished, complete, right.

Now finally read it, as a self- acclaimed beijinger, what is intriguing first then disturbing most later about it is its disneyfication approach, we see a mere collage of seemingly edgy and varied sampling images of a stale and stereotyped beijing, generated from some first- timer's "china is such a fun and funny bizarre bazaar" WOW experience, emotionally discharged, no warmth, exoticism oriented, no depth no context (I know I should use the word "lack" but for me it was a no no). "who are these monkeys looking like living in marsh?!" A called and protested...

Greg worked for Colors for 10 years in key positions without a proper contract, and fired for no legitimate reasons other than "someone else wants your job", so much respect for individuality and human right from the organization, which is often worshiped as haven by young creatives. Be ware, in the end it is nothing more than a Benetton accessory bag in the mind of the people in charge.

what singles us each out from individual writing, is to reflect and review besides inform, although the value of a personal opinion is nothing more than a personal opinion.

it is a pleasure and to some extend privilege to spot the backstage.
because once you have seen the scene behind, you will see the display from a hell different angle.

Labels:

Thursday, March 15, 2007

beijing muse


what i love about muse dinner is it grands you the total control of a conversation without sounding slightest intruding. and it encourages me to be curious, a natural woman instinct that i somehow appear to be lacking. aggressiveness might be hard to avoid, but seeing part of a true people is such a exhilarating experience. although it won't expose a whole person to the degree that you truly understand him/her. wel, as well, just like the physical, we like to see stripped mind, not necessarily naked.

and i just found out i was not that a excellent listener as i thought, satisfying my obsession of finding own problem...

J is a total surprise. full-body wine charming. a rare playful grown-up self-crowned with a somehow lucrative and mysterious aura. a man of self- contradictions: happy yet constantly aware of things that would make him otherwise and see death as the ultimate completion to life. believing everything happens for a reason but never accept what fate has readily put on the table. a fearless man values safety above all and terrified by women's natural disturbing power. loves women but doesnt even accept the term "love". believing his grand women safari and apparently impressive collection of women have given him a rather clear "women- perspective", but somehow along the road lost faith in understanding and making connection with each individual one of them. but a man that worships woman as all-time winner can not be a total wimp?

it never occurred to him that he could have defended him by directing the same questions back to me, somehow i was wondering if it is a sign of painful shyness like me, or a true indication of total confidence and clear mind that really does not need second thought for any imposed situations. i dont know which or both.

surprisingly people like us would even bothered to impress each other, cause the simplest desire for getting knowing someone is a effort that rarely happens, so very healthy and needed for self-sufficient and security-above-all virgos. thats a part of our unproved DNA.

hey, j, welcome to knock and learn to know each other before we "dump each other". hehe, this man is a wimp after all. ...

Labels:

Sunday, March 11, 2007

varfor ruby giuliani vore bra som USA;s president

"...the fact Giuliani had an affair while married suggests he is at best a multi-tasker, and at worst a jerk. Given that the biggest challenge America faces is the multi-front war against murderous terrorists, I'd say both qualities would be a plus."

Gunnila du e det bast!! det e absolut nat vard att vidare-skickas.

Labels:

Monday, February 12, 2007

gals

" female leaves the male when the male stagnates, thats how the evolution really evolved."- by the author "men are subjects of consumption".

M worked in a law firm now "dealing' with art, as the promising way of finding love as she stated. H is about to open a juice bar and quit investment banking. they both had an army of international boyfriends alliance to back up their theory of " men are assholes and losers but there is hope". i like the idea of they both are so INTO it, the game and the playful spirit, but again, without desire, one is not only dead but also dangerous, thats what i am worried about tingeling.

S was a bliss when working together. hilarious in a nerdy way, intelligent yet unsure of it, taking advantage of his job and imposing all weird and rude questions upon everything we see, every bigshots we interview with.

we are an instant click.

but still not in M&F compartment. why?! "you take this stuff too seriously!"

not really. the eyes are already so tired of things before the heart begin to feel like participating in any one of them. all the beutiful and useless designed items.

Labels:

Saturday, February 10, 2007

三日成仙记


人是虐己的,没事找事要在是与不是之间绞缠。积极的说, 都在好好学习,上下求索;消极点看,不过是蚂蚱蝇头各自忙乱,任生存杖下棒喝! 教你,就是要点得你酸麻胀痛:要的虽不同(财福禄),怕的还是老三样(病老终),怎么办!

道是养人的,总告诉你随性随心,劝你在出世入世间游离,靠旁观洞察,靠梳理自己长进。静则通,通则明,明则了然:“了不得!”

道玄, 佛通,为什么一理?就在都讲一个 “放下”。

放下后呢? 走吧。

任他柳暗,任她花明。

寻佛访道,还要理由吗?


DAY ONE,去尘

青城山尊为第五洞天, 前山众道观云集,后山普照寺独立,相应成辉,别有天地。沿路四处石径螺旋,林竹蔽天,连峰接岫,千里不绝。三十六峰,七十二洞,一百单八处胜迹罗列下来,不及 一个“幽”字经济精道, 含括青城真气,真意,真趣。

求清静的人是受过圄圉燥热之苦的,自然更能感激青城之幽,真正是飘荡在空气里的延绵不觉,彻体透爽。青苔,木阶,古刹,楼梁,到处弥漫着温润的湿气。 深吸浅呼, 渐觉冰清玉洁有望.

不过福天也有洞地。访客第一站,免不了要见识福清宫道法森严。一些 所谓高人,自己半俗半道,却爱充半官半仙,板脸教导别人,“门票拿来,介绍拿来!”自己却早跑了定性。 也不必感叹,无人免俗,就此灰心。扫扫衿前尘土,继续前行吧。寻仙访道要诚,也要灵。

转至后山。普照寺没有索道交通的便利,本该荒凉些, 但香火出奇的旺。大部分人浅谙佛道一家,自觉求了仙不能不拜佛,多少带些诚惶诚恐。也有甚者,是冲着刘德华拜师学佛吃斋与此的由头粉丝来的。不过当然还是我辈居多,“爬爬后山”先给脾,肺,心,充充氧吧 。喘息过后,冥息净望, 深山,古刹, 祥光, 炷香, 臣服阚昊无量。


Day two 求静

住天师洞。 一千多米海拔之上的门槛,每块豆腐每片青菜都靠挑夫当日担上来,不能不倍加珍惜。山中事少,不费功夫就修成了半饥半饱“清闲客”,无枷无锁“自在囚”。 原来所谓清修, 要先清净。

眼下, 秋后的千年银杏树盘踞古崖,喧嚣气势的同时,周身还是披挂着柔和的祥光。叶上的露珠,镀上了鹅黄色的明媚,小心得蠢蠢欲动; 殿宇恢宏,穿青衫着青靴的束发道士堂前打坐,无动于衷。 澄明流动间,景是动的,人是静的。

晨钟响起,一声渣滓未化,两声根炷复明,三声人物似均已然入定。

前堂结识刘道长。此人修武不求道,自称因芥蒂未忘,常带美艳娇妻在天师洞授徒。我前时伤了脚踝,刘道长派徒弟中白发苍苍的六旬老人替我发功疗伤,受宠若惊之下,也明白了道家混沌生年的规矩。一,数为虚,事为实;二,道行有高下之分,无老幼之名。没见老人武侠哼哈运气,轻言慢语,手下也似乎随意,脚踝处却渐感丝丝麻涨温热,一刻钟的功夫,下地不再趔趄。感谢不迭,自然想半路出家短期学徒一番。

刘道长在我看来,称得上现代道士的典范,行事有太极之风。爱国际交流工作,也重同行切磋;擅长显山露水,又作的清雅不俗。 深知不断的自我推翻重塑,才体现道法流转?刚被他教 “一言有益与己,便应着眼铭心”,转眼他又演绎辩证法:“事理因人言而悟者,有悟还有迷,总不如自悟之了了”。好,任迷而不惑好了。

习武的意义当真是试图让大化有形,迷中寻悟。刚练起来身手自然狼狈,但是灵光一现“原来四两拨千斤讲的是物理学上切点杠杆嘚原理”心下得意,表情不免张狂,推手间立刻被道长粘扯到两米开外, 身要松,心不懈!”。他自称只习武不修道?!哈!

对笑, “喝茶去?“

Day three 沁心

佛偈,一沙一世界,一花一天堂;道说“一壶清茶泡出朗朗乾坤” ;都是教导人, 万物同源,想明白大道理,只要自己落实到小事物上求体验就好。在青城求仙,自然免不了先解道茶清味。青城茶史为供品,载: “雾顶 灵气孕茶中极品,芽梗同采, 麻姑泉水烹之, 燃竹助茶香,翻炒五次,封存半个月后,文火炒后。“色淡碧,香气浓郁,入口无味;少顷凉(津)生”。

上等青城茶要求天时地利人工完美配合,千斤难求。所谓“青城道茶”其实指道家修行的一个道场,所以不可随意,要求 :名茶、好水、美境、佳人、雅事、细器,一丝不苟。 好在佳人已在,其他到也不算难事。
青城道茶仪式要求三位道长主持:一司讼辞,二秉琴,三掌香,坐下可一二,可上百,礼节不变。准备分四节:香汤净手;常焚心香;涤洗心尘;守静坐忘。 听着窗外秋叶婆娑呼应琴音,领会讼词,起初有些自感做作的不安,但经过一套净手、净壶、净杯程序催眠后,居然开始入境。 一次入水,茶形如拂尘;二次入水, 上芽阴、下梗阳,在水中自分两层, 呈小太极状。香颂里焖泡,三次入水,有万里山川之势,“三生万物,万物尽在杯中,尽!”道长收式。
因何仙人羽化?因倍尝世味,知淡泊为真。
the truth.

Labels:

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

beauty and bread play and pray...


so many people fail you. and others fill out the blank. it doesnt make up to it, but it shows the beauty of fate. comes around goes around.

life is all about experiences. it shapes up things, it reveals people. it makes you, tingeling, so much more extraordinary comparing to them. stand up and stand out. be a woman.

Labels:

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

an end tights anew



bid farewell to 2006. and a side note at the end of it: NEVER TALK WITH STRANGERS

tingeling, i am amazed by your childishness and unreliable instincts.

i wish you all clarity and wisdom. see through bullshit. laugh at yourselves and others. love wise and live calm.

2007. bring. it. on.

Labels:

Monday, January 01, 2007

1/1

for all the things that have been, thanks.
for all that are coming, YES

Sunday, December 31, 2006

2006/7

shampagne is dangerous, when charged with new year cheers. but truth is even more.

as a little girl, when i thought about the future, about how i'd be 26 at the turn of the millenium, i pictured a parallel universe. that night at the turn of 2000, brooklyn bridge did looked like a sky ladder.

what's it like where you live now? do you have girl(s) yet? what species have you domesticated? how would you describe yourself today? are you happy? is that sustainable?

the thrill of meeting new people is getting stale. how do you ever know who is who, and who is not just like whoever else?!! and who and who can really stand each other. M lives and loves and f beyond his means, i save it all and wait for the real show that will never start, no one knows what he really wants, or nothing just ever enough.

happiness is a product of sanity and empathy, how could we be as the proudct of vanity and selfishness.

how do two lines ever intersect? they cut through each other.

or you all stay happily ever after in that parallel universe, leading anywhere, leading nowhere, all alone.

maybe i'm dehydrated.
maybe i'm bored.
or i really over-evaluated myself.

i'm amazed at the way i really need you.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

christmas party

A is coming to Suzhou, China, all the way from Gotborg for a special Christmans party.

A half year long MSN dating session is finally about to go offline.

turning face to face!

He is getting nervous.

the way i see it, his chance is about 1% but again he could turn to be the one lucky bastard of the 100. who knows. At least it will be an adventure: he could see the garden, meet some people, blahblah, which i know he does not really give a darn for but desperatly need. what will he do if he falls in love? post the gal to gotborg?! what if not, back to his boat in minus- heart degree?

TBC...

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Pattern to be broken


it goes:

panic at the end of a year.
resolution made at the very beginning of a year.
resolution broken at the beginning of a year.
same same but different throughout a year.
loop 2. 3. 4. n...

project arrives.
people gathered.
money delayed.
people discouraged.
project canceled/postphoned.

loop 2.3.4.n...

this new job SEEMS to be an exception. S says he is not qualified to be my life coach but he seems to have always been my lucky charm. this new project will be pushing me to the edge, learning ridiculous amounts. by choice. and I will be in a powerful position. i may even have the power to affect real change, thats new.

i have always wanted to be the tender yet firm whispering voice on the frontline, smooth out tension among talented people of vision, passion and intellect, so to create something truly worthy or even... meaningful?

I'm going to do my best to take us higher and bring us together. one breath at a time.

another resolution- like vow. can't avoid. it is the season, i guess. at least i seem to sense what i want, even still can't not clearly see it.

happy new year, tingeling. shall i grant you a thailand trip? the question is...do you deserve it already? mmmmm...

Monday, December 11, 2006

s wedding vow


when i broke my legs on 31/oct... i remember so well, i was truly terrified. not because of the bloody scene, but the bloody fact that: man, i can die next day, really it can happen!"

so it is easier to relate to S's big vow, because: "when i leave, i don't want to be alone."

so it is this simple...but she seems to know what she was talking about:

"I vow to let our pure and true love act as a binding agent for the fusion of our ancient wisdom with our infant spirits, treating this union as the foundation for our happiness and ascension from this moment on.

I vow to take all measures to identify and execute my own truths so that my contribution to our combined energy circle is honest, untainted and uplifting.

I vow to honor, respect and support your freedom of mind, body and soul
so that the unique and precious essence of your existence remains intact.

By successfully committing to these beliefs, we create a space
to play in this world as the children that we are.

I vow to take these hands in mine for eternity. The hands of my teacher,
the hands of my brother, the hands of my student, the hands of my lover.

so i know i will never make that vow. because i dont believe in above is humanly possible.

tingeling is fluffy..

Sunday, December 10, 2006

old man and his horse

my favorite comfort remedy.

break a leg is not just an expression. what a month!

before i became crippled, i never realized how important and actually fruitful to slow down.
just by being vulnarable as you really are, you grow 7stiches deeper, stronger.
the world can wait. your share is always there. no more chasing.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

boy's dream

150,o00rmb/each

shot in mongolia.


Wednesday, October 11, 2006

open the door please

re- enter the self-indulgent spacce after 8months break. it is good to keep hands warm and head cool with writing.

but how does my own voice sound like in such a hallow echoing space?

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Past presented in future tense

意大利设计,过去50年完成的现在将来式


“50+2 Year of Italian Design”
主办方:中国美术馆和意大利蒙达多里出版集团
Orgnized by: National Art Museum of China (NAMOC) and Arnoldo Mondadori Editore S.p.A.(AME)
展览时间:2006年9月10日至10月9日
Duration: 10th September to 9th October
展厅:一楼6号厅、8号厅
Exhibition room: No.6 and N0. 8

设计灵感火花迸发的偶然性和民族精神的必然性使设计成为有地区性时代性的文化产物,所以德国出奔驰房车而意大利是法拉利跑车的故乡。同时代的设计和建筑、绘画、音乐、生活方式环环相扣,求新求变的过程中,为人认识,被历史接受,少数拥有共性的成果就此积累,也就形成了时代背景下的所谓“风格”。“意大利风格” 这个世界著名的文化和经济现象,在20世纪后半叶的50年里,根据艺术创作和工业设计并行合作的原则发展形成,成为今天创意经济的楷模。 这次在中国美术馆举行的意大利设计50年展,以“经典朝显时代风格”的方式, 自然合理地对意大利家居风格作了一次形象诠释。

展览空间如同一个个戏剧舞台, 以每十年为一个段落,经典设计家居用品为主角,展现了意大利的设计艺术从战后至今50多年的发展历程及产品设计的主题与风格。沙发,坐椅、床、灯具,装饰品等设计史上的经典明星,按照功用和设计时间段被组合排列成当时的生活画面,加上时代背景家庭掠影人物着装等参考画面,形象的展示了意大利室内风格和生活艺术在不同时代的发展变化轨迹。

50-60年代 建筑设计一体时代

意大利现代设计的渊源经常被追溯到古罗马时代,现代设计“意大利式“的精致,也经常被分析为精湛传统手工艺的传承,其实不失牵强。现代意义上的设计,当然和文化底蕴有关,但更是和工业生产息息相关的。秘鲁面具和陕北面人,批量生产的结果只能是廉价纪念品,不会出现意大利式的工业化个性和质感。意大利战后从手工生产到工业生产的过渡实际上是非逻辑的,但是幸运的是“个人灵感迸发+中小企业经营”偏方制大病,系统化解决了设计实现问题,从而形成了现代意义上的工业美术设计。值得提出的是,意大利现代工业设计是由建筑业派生迩来的,所以一出现就得到了建筑业和建筑人才的推波助澜。 50,60年代意大利大部分明星设计师,比如Marco Zanuso, Gae Aulenti 和Peir Giacomo Castiglioni都有建筑师背景。 他们的设计结合不断进步的工业技术,在满足产品功能要求中追求审美属性,同时强调设计兼顾空间感和创作可行性,成为意大利这个年代设计的代表。五六十年代也因此成为确定意大利现代审美观,产品的正确实施形式的奠基时代。工业美术设计一从建筑领域中独立出来,意大利设计整体上的文化与市场双重优势就开始显现。 比如50年代空间展出的arco灯,是flos产品中 Peir Giacomo 设计的最为经典的作品, 看似简单的弧线渗透着设计师对造型的独特创意,同时流露出他作为建筑师与生俱来的对平衡感和空间感的追求,堪称划时代作品,自然也成为经久不衰的被仿对象。

60-/70年代 塑料波谱,激进设计

谈意大利设计风格,不能不提到意大利性情. 一般人以为东方人重感性领悟,而西方人重理性分析。但是,在设计史上,意大利似乎既实现了西方普遍的以德国为代表的严谨、高质量、高性能的理性理想,也吸取了东方哲学朴素的写意简约审美观,同时不忘张显意大利式奔放的拉丁个性。激进的“孟菲斯”为代表的后现代设计组织也只能在意大利出现。它宣扬波谱高调方式, 以“少就是乏味”口号,代替“少就是多”的现代主义原则,彻底抛弃理性主义设计观, 从感性的人文角度出发追求形式异化, 强调光怪陆离的视幻效果,讲究趣味恢谐奇异,甚至借用风格牛马不相及的人和物品形状进行设计。世界从而有了Cactus 仙人掌衣架(GUIDO DROCCO& FRANCO MELLO, 1972),五指Joe chair ( De Pas& Lomazzi设计,POLTRONOVA 1971), BOALUM灯(LIVIO CASTIGLIONI, GIANFRANCO FRATTINI, ARTEMIDE, 1970). 这种 “Kitch” 风格 (kitch德语,指浅薄、新奇、时髦、眩烂等)无论从材料、形态,色彩上都故意打破常规,以乐观、喧闹的态度直面人生,天真滑稽又暗含隐喻,充满灵性。 这种塑料波谱风格当然是与当时世界POP流行大趋势呼应的产物,但最重要原因还是源于意大利富有激情,自得和幽默的民族特性。只有当时当地才能设计出象Traccia 鸡爪小桌(Meret Oppenheim, SIMON, 1972), 普罗嘶特花椅(Proust chair)这样的kitch作品,而且成为不朽经典。


 80/90年代--新巴洛克和后现代主义

物极必反。设计的发展终究跳不出否定之否定,螺旋上升的规律。八十年代消费繁荣生产多元,刺激了两个有决定影响的意大利设计历史运动:menphis 和alchimia,他们重新提倡建筑和设计的结合和回归历史的“新巴洛克”风格,主张对材料,形式,家具原形进行具有建筑学价值的重新释读。 “桌上的建筑”alessi系列宣告意大利建筑和设计重新结合时代的到来,并开启了设计产品微型化趋势的先锋。这样的设计顺应了市场国际化的潮流,吸引了更多外国设计家建筑师加入到意大利企业中来,法国的Philippe Starck,荷兰的Borek Sipek都是在为alessi这样的意大利企业服务中成为了新意大利风格典范人物。他们反对形式上的夸张,致力于加强简洁自然的设计建筑感, 回归理性主义的新朴素化潮流, 代表经典非Brera灯莫数 (ACHILLE CASTIGLIONI, FLOS 1992) 。这类低调高质产品,和80,90时代商业办公机构对秩序和严肃格调的设计要求不谋而合,从而得到更广泛的认可和应用,国际市场的大门也从此真正向意大利敞开。

批量销售的市场要求开始动摇意大利设计的根本重质轻量的传统。 这个时代的设计,不仅要靠个人灵感和天分,而是美学、人体工程学、心理学、生理学等科学互相妥协的结晶。在貌似冷静推崇几何抽象形式和机器风格的新朴素化潮流下, menphis 和alchimia 同时还是提出了具有意大利特点的设计要求——产品要具有“高度的热情”,激情还是设计核心,理性和技术只是辅助条件。 90年代的简约不否定工业化所带来的深远影响,但还是崇尚自然的。Tom dixson的草制S 椅和Jesper Morrison的思想者之椅(Thinking Man’s chair, CAPPELLINI) 以充满现代感的质朴优雅,成为这类风格的典型作品。

21世纪——过渡设计到???

也许是有容乃大厚积勃发的道理,当代意大利设计风格经过50年积累,从内容到形式都更显得丰富,多元,甚至有些朝着多少让意大利人稍有不安的“全球国际化“方向发展的迹象。21世纪展厅里的意大利设计已经不是由意大利设计师独享的了。国际化的进程中,不仅带有”made in italy”标签的产品,在意大利工作和工作过的世界各地人才,也成为意大利设计的骄傲。意大利创意企业擅长在多文化熔炉的实验气氛里,吸引和培养各地人才的经验,堪称世界楷模。 从笔者最爱的现代哥特式“新古典吊灯”(new classic veneziano chandelier, la murrina),到my lady汤锅,抗议先生椅(Mr. no chair), 意大利设计师castelli以拉丁语“transpire”(过渡设计)定义当前时代意大利设计风格: 承前启后但不墨守常规,在变化中以多元化的方式传承经典。这个时代的意大利设计师,和各种形式之间已经没有江湖流派谁一统天下的纷争,更趋向我情你愿的主流和非主流之分,唯一共性就是所谓“高科技” 和“高情感“的结合。从材质,色调,造型,功用性,融会贯通50年的积累,21世纪意大利设计已经确实形成了一套难以超越和模仿的理念和系统。 这次展览的初衷也许仅仅是回顾和展示,但是对于还处于产品时代而不是设计时代的中国设计,应该说更象是一堂历史课,以史为镜时,我们能看得最清楚的一点就是,企业在形成made in italy标签中的决定作用。有一天中国创意企业真正形成, made in china才会无须正名。时间?!

Labels:

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

vienna...


2006年是维也纳自己的2008,莫扎特250年诞辰和福洛伊得Frued150年华诞,被当作城市里程碑般得倾力庆祝。两位天才的画像把维也纳的大街小巷都粉刷了一遍。如果天才在世,恐怕也会对自己的无所不在心升厌倦吧。


咖啡馆,自家延展出去的客厅。

“一杯咖啡,谢谢!”

这样的要求在维也纳是绝少听到的。即使你的奥地利式软浓德语说得地道,手里拿着入场券,盛装坐在OPERA大剧院前的咖啡馆里,你的侍者还是会心照不宣地问你一句:“喜欢维也纳吗?”,意即——“tourist,是吧!”然后递上一份咖啡单,二三十种琳琅满目,但就是没有“kafe”字样。当然你想要的那杯稀释了的expresso加牛奶全球通行的美式咖啡,这里也找得到,但是大部分时候,侍者怕你暴枕天物,会好心的建议你一杯Mélange(相似于cappcino但是不同。意大利人只在午餐前喝cappcino,而Mélange更香淡,适合于任何时候任何情境。)

开始会点Mélange,你才算刚上完维也纳咖啡第一课,也才刚刚走进维也纳。

咖啡与茶,都不只是饮料,更是情结,直接泄露民族性格。奥地利地处东西欧轴心地位,曾贵为神圣罗马帝国和奥匈帝国首都,昔日的辉煌直到今天都让这个城市由里到外散发着富足雍容优越感十足的老贵族文化气质。日耳曼人生就的严谨内敛又恰如其分地,起到了些平衡作用-不张扬不跋扈不肆意。没有比身处一个典型的维也纳咖啡馆更能让人直面这种维也纳气质了。典型的维也纳咖啡馆都建在巴洛克风格高大敞亮的厅堂里,水晶灯绚烂,火车座软椅慵懒,厚重的天鹅绒窗帘半垂在靠街的宽大玻璃窗边,侍者有礼但不逼人,顾客随意三三两两,更常见的是独自一人的客人,在咖啡的香气中享受自己的寂寞。如果说巴黎的咖啡馆可看人可调情,橱窗风景丰富,维也纳的咖啡馆更象维也纳人自家延展了的客厅,自我自在。奥地利文学评论家鲍尔加说过:“去咖啡馆的人都是 喜欢寂寞又不愿孤独的人。他们想独自呆着,却又喜欢有不相干人在周围陪伴的环境。”换句话说是,作家, 维也纳人称之为“ink and coffee”喝墨水就咖啡的人群,最佳工作地点。知识分子阶层是维也纳最大的中产阶层,文化传统很大一部分是在这种咖啡加墨水的氛围中有机酝酿出来的。今天街头你还会看到在街边看到,从19世纪沿袭下来的“无人卖报”款箱。一欧元事小,尊重知识彼此信任的城市文化事大。从历史层面分析,奥地利是欧洲少见的皇权稳定的国家,崇尚艺术和音乐的哈布斯堡王朝连续统治奥地利600多年。特别是玛利亚特雷萨女王,(奥地利武则天式的划时代历史人物)在位期间(1740-1780)在欧洲最早实行了包括音乐在内的义务教育,使奥地利整体文化教育水平有史以来就在欧洲独占鳌头。罗马不是一天建成的,维也纳墨水加咖啡人群也绝对不是。


动静相和,才是上品生活。

也许哲学,医药这类理性文明需要咖啡馆的宁静气氛熏陶,音乐诗歌这样的性情之作,就需要更多酒精燃料了。和咖啡一样,葡萄酒也是维也纳人生活必需品。但是和咖啡纯从外国进口不同,早在3000年前,古罗马皇帝朴鲁巴斯就将葡萄引进到了多瑙河流域,经过2000多年的葡萄种植和酿酒历史,形成了所谓的赫瑞亘Heurigen,小酒馆文化。中国有“诗酒不分家”的习俗,维也纳有“音乐美酒最佳伴侣”的说法。 赫瑞亘激发了许多伟大作曲家的灵感,叔伯特的浪漫曲“桦树“,施特劳斯的”第一个想像“圆舞曲,和贝多芬”遗嘱“和”英雄交响曲“的主要部分据说都是在维也纳郊区随便哪个赫瑞亘酒馆完成的。维也纳人佐餐用的葡萄酒中, 特别是夏天,最为常见的是一种叫spritzer的,是笔者除了melange后学到的第二个最为有用的维也纳用语,意即“带气矿泉水和Veltliner白葡萄酒混合的酒”,给人香槟的错觉又清淡仪口。而最为爽口的spritzer我是在Palmenhaus Cafe 餐厅 (add:1010 Vienna Palm House Castle Garden Vienna, 电话:) 享受到的,不容错过。这座1904年改建的巨大的玻璃大理石建筑,前身曾是专门用做为约瑟夫皇帝和茜茜公主培育鲜花的花房。1988年开业以来一直是维也纳最in的餐厅酒吧。户外部分永远被靓丽的维也纳先锋人物占据着,艺术家,作家,演员,天气好的时候百多张餐桌也座无虚席。但是如果定位不及时也不必泄气,室内部分往往有座, 而且服务更加周到,场景更加奢华:顶高几十米的现代玻璃房里,硕大的棕榈树欣然生长,其他花草自由摆放在室内装饰金属感十足的餐厅四处,阳光印衬下,无论是spritzer还是一杯普通melange,都会溢光留彩.厨师长 Andreas Böhm 也是城市里明星级人物,很有维也纳男士代表性:礼貌得有些冷,但是交谈后马上真诚热情。如果看到你在琳琅满目的酒单和甜品单里踌躇,他一定会帮助你推荐一款奥地利1997葡萄酒混的spritzer,就他亲手做的苦巧克力摩司。体验?。。。人间天堂。

维也纳对中国游客最有吸引力的旅游口号可能还是“茜茜公主的故乡”,其实也不确切。茜茜生于匈牙利,不仅仅是约瑟夫皇帝一见钟情的妻子,在奥匈帝国时期更成为人民爱戴的匈牙利女王。她在维也纳时期,palmenhaus 还只是她美泉宫Schonbrunn边上的花房。这位公主在美泉宫 里“金丝雀”的生活好莱芜有无数版本的故事,背景用的都是美泉宫Schonbrunn这座华丽典雅的行宫。美泉宫本来是由玛利亚特雷萨女王于1765年兴建的,后来成为哈布斯宝王朝世代帝王最重要的行宫。但是因为茜茜公主的出现,美泉宫成了有泰姬陵色彩的地方。约瑟夫皇帝为了解茜茜公主思乡之愁,专门在美泉宫内加修了模仿阿尔卑斯山牧场的花园,可谓用心良苦。斯人已逝,今天这座庞大的拥有1441个房间的宫殿已经成为市政厅办公地点之一,游览其中到不如在旁边的palmhause手持spritzer遥望,遥想美人当年。。。

2006年是奥地利自己的2008,莫扎特250年诞辰和福落一得Frued150年华诞被当作城市里程碑得庆祝。其实多少有些牵强, (Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 生于Salzburg. 而 Frued更是德国 Moravian 人) 但是也还说的过去了: 比起自己的家乡小镇,莫扎特当然更青睐维也纳这个音乐之都,这里他荣光作了宫廷乐师并受到玛利亚特雷萨女王赏识,创作完成了不朽的“费加罗的婚礼”;福落一得Frued自己做的和所有分析的梦也都是在维也纳做的,一做就是50年。英雄不问出处的道理也许就是,他们自己选择的土壤,往往才真正解释他们成为伟人的原因,后来也通常成为他们选择长眠的故乡。

来自世界各地的游客多会光顾维也纳中央墓地,除了莫扎特, 海顿,伯拉模斯,贝多芬,叔伯特,施特劳斯父子也都长眠在这里。 维也纳中央公墓伫立在城市中央 占地2。4平方公里, 埋葬着300多万人,是欧洲最大的公墓。 外来的游客多忙于在这里寻找“音乐家墓地“区域,景仰长眠在这里世界古典音乐遗产中最伟大的灵魂。除了游客,普通的维也纳居民也经常会在这里眷顾,听起来可能有些奇怪。 中国人习俗中青松翠柏庄严肃穆的墓地让人肃然起敬,甚至有些阴森抑郁,所以让人避之不及。维也纳人对死亡的态度却非常豁达,惧怕与否,绝不忌讳。这里很多墓地分散在城市各街区,开阔明亮,墓前鲜花姹紫嫣红,更象是花园和生活的一部分。维也纳人经常和全家一起在宁静安逸的墓园中散步, 偶尔有幸碰上爱乐乐团在这里演出,就买上一包街摊热栗子驻足欣赏。。。生的乐趣和死的宁静,在维也纳人眼中一物两面,自然和谐,就象奥地利民歌里高唱的一样;“只要一切结束的时候,有音乐和美酒相伴。。。”



备注贴十:

1。现代维也纳城区辽阔。但是ringgasse(一环)是围绕内城区的主干道。大部分著名景点和娱乐场所都在一环之内的1,2, 3区内。维也纳市政建设发达,电车和地铁都及其方便。无人售票剪票,但是偶尔有人查票,所以建议不怀侥幸心理。

2。全民免费引用矿泉水。维也纳的自来水几乎全部来源与1900年设计启用的“引水下山”绵延170公里的山泉管道。纯净矿物质丰富的泉水引自奥叙高原,几乎不用任何泵装置,完全靠地心原理引入城市。高质矿泉水不需要人工处理,味道清冽甜美。

3。“城市单车“是维也纳市另一个为全民,包括游客提供的1小时内免费的交通服务。 这种自行车站随处可见,你只要用自己的信用卡在仪器上申报,电脑控制锁就会打开,并在使用一小时后自动计费,直到你在下一个“城市单车“站回放并锁好单车为止。骑自行车和乘环RinggasseD线电车,是欣赏维也纳建筑和街区设计的最好的游览方式。

4。 著名游览项目,象圣斯坛芬教堂,多瑙河游船,大剧院,等在任何游览项目里都可以找到,这里不再罗嗦。先锋一些的游客可以在7区学生和艺术家聚集的类soho区域游览猎奇,建议在europa café (14. Karntnerstrasse) 休息。是这个区域最为中心的新潮咖啡馆,指人群和室内装饰。建筑当然了,又是19世纪的。

5.奥地利作为离东欧国家最近的接壤国家,除了日常生活受到新移民的影响,维也纳也成为的东西欧艺术交汇的地方。最佳的艺术展览区域和最佳的“people watch”的地方当数,维也纳现代艺术馆区域。由几座室内博物馆和画廊加户外休息区及咖啡馆和餐厅联合组成,据说是欧洲最大的现代艺术馆区域。各类展览繁多,休息区域创新舒适,必访之地!

5。除了melange, spritzer,第三个重要用语: Sacher torte.奥地利糕点世界闻名。这是一款北京烤鸭式的传统项目,一定要试试,而且一定要圣Saint Stephen教堂后不起眼那家咖啡馆做的才算正宗。

6。如果你真的想体验皇家气派,可以住宿Imperial。 酒店建于1863年,曾经是 Württemberg王子的行宫,价格不非。但是如果和其他在 Ringstrasse上的同价位高级饭店相比,更有韵味。(Imperial, 地址:Kärntnerring 16, 电话:43-1)

7。Fruend迷可以拜访他在3区住了并行诊50年的公寓。现在已经成为Fruend纪念馆,非常宽敞舒适。可惜见不到他那只著名的“couch”。那只无数病人躺过的沙发,现在收藏于伦敦。毕竟奥地利也有一段不光彩的排犹历史。Fruend被迫离开维也纳,投奔伦敦的亲戚时,带走了它,两年后客死英国。但是直到今天,维也纳依然是心理学,哲学和医学上在欧洲占有权威地位的研究中心。

Friday, February 24, 2006

what am i doing?

lived in a state of expedience for so long that i have forgotten how it all started and why in the first place.

revising, revamping and reviving everything all the time, good? bad? all the voices around, all the directions calling, all the luctive traps/chances shouting, one cancells the next, all all already too late.

G is one of those best friends one could ever ask for. dangerously gorgeous and fun to be with yet straightward, harsh Xray judgemental. what he asked was a simple question, but i found no answer-- what are you waiting for?

yoga teacher was reading mary oliver. untypically negative of her. liked it though.

JOURNEY

One day you finally know
What you had to do and began
Though the voices around you
Kept shouting
Their bad advice

Though the whole house began to tremble
And you felt the old rug
At your ankels


"mend my life!"
Each voices cried

But you didn't stop
You knoew what you had to do.
Though the wind pried
With its stiff fingers
At the very foundations
Though their melancholy was terrible
It was already late
Enough
And a wild night.
And the road full of fallen brances and stones
But little by little
As you left their vocies behind
The stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds
And there was a new voice
Which you slowly recognized as your own
That kept your company as you strode deeper and deeper
Into the world
Determinded to do

The only thing you could do

Determiendt o save

the only life you could

Friday, February 17, 2006

lux magzine

引:美酒.佳人

追本溯源,葡萄酒的历史一直和女人息息相关。

真正倾城倾国的女人只有绝世妖娆是不够的,还要有机遇,技巧甚至“武器”。传说公元前6000年古波斯,一个波斯妃子失宠欲寻短见,把发酵的葡萄汁误当毒药喝了,结果人没死反而更加美艳动人了,结果重新受宠。而后来埃及艳后和恺撒大帝的跨国情缘也据说和葡萄酒有关。Cleaopatra约会恺撒时,也把埃及人先进的酿酒术带入了罗马,大帝和整个罗马在醇酒的迷香中就此臣服于一个女人的绝世风华,亡国也再所不惜。

掌中有美酒,美人坐怀,怎能让男人不乱。

虽然葡萄酒绚烂色彩和柔和口感容易让人与女人联系起来,但制酒这项工作却地地道道是男人的责任和特权. 甚至在法国著名的葡萄酒产区勃艮第还有一种迷信的说法,"女人进酿酒房会让酒变酸"。(何乐而不为?) 因为考验眼光,又要有酒窖酒库的设施要求,高档葡萄酒和雪茄一样,是有资本会风雅的蓝血绅士收藏投资的钟爱。不同的是,雪茄纯是男士俱乐部里的绅士道具,而葡萄酒的世界,说穿了是女人的世界,这里男人为女人服务。

想想:时装、 珠宝, 香水、葡萄酒,其实属于一个世界-奢侈世界,没有也不碍生存,但就少了很多生活情趣。着YSL,搽Opium, 就餐Ritz, 带Cartier, 喝波尔多陈酿,红唇夜酒,欣赏精品女人是男人的奢侈。

因为一般的女人不喝酒,女人不喝一般的酒,喝酒的女人不一般。








(正文) 礼多人不怪- 品酒Q&A
知书识礼的黛玉初登贾府,华宴上也差点把洗手水当成漱口水,可见餐桌上礼数不周是个可大可小的顾虑,不一定代表一个人的涵养。 但是被人安慰“不知不怪”还是不免尴尬。上的厅堂不下厨房的现代淑女红瑗,大多冰雪聪明,很容易就能象林妹妹一样不露痕迹,察颜观色,现学现用,让自己仪态得体大方。但是其中缘由,各中道理呢?。。。

其实饮食礼节分地界场合,虽然有的也的确仅是做作的无里头和教条,但也有其他很多礼节,其实背后有它实用因素。至于喝葡萄酒的“繁文琐节”,其实本出于一个目的: 极最大可能享受这一罗马时期就让人倾国倾城在所不惜的“人间天堂般的佳酿”,虽然那时候的葡萄酒,又不过滤又没有稳定发酵技术,现在喝的话,现代人恐怕都难已下咽。感谢历史进步,传统延承吧。

朋友偶尔会提起品酒会上看到的一些品酒人的 “奇怪举动”,我想有些肯定源于某些法国人名至实归的eccentric(不按牌理出牌的由性),但大部分的举动,实际上还是事出有因的。这里作个简单Q&A,看看能不能给几个“怪异”举动正名,找些说法。
.
1。为什么红酒打开好一会儿,才让你喝? 而白葡萄酒要冰镇,而且上得很快?
可能听起来有些夸张,葡萄酒被品酒专家形容成有生命的饮料。想想也不无道理。窖藏在密封环境里的过程如同冬眠,开瓶后需要呼吸些新鲜空气,氧化过程中,酒香酒韵才能从沉睡中渐渐苏醒, 慢慢打起精神厚积勃发,这当然需要点时间,红酒一般要到开瓶一个小时左右以后口感才最顺滑饱满。(当然今天普通餐厅就餐,要“house red”,从服务生到顾客你可能都不会有这样的耐心)。而白酒,香槟Champagne 和粉酒Rose,轻冽的醇香很容易挥发,所以不能空气中暴露太久,应该即开即喝。

2。为什么倒红酒和汽酒的方式不同?
普通葡萄酒要往杯子中心倒,让酒和空气自然混合,还是让酒“活”起来的办法。汽酒和香槟要往杯壁上倒,以最大程度上保留气泡。而服务生放回瓶子前轻转瓶口为的不仅是好看,也是为了实用——点滴不漏。握酒杯的位置是不变的:永远在杯胫上最好,道理很简单,这样指纹不会脏了被子,也不会影响葡萄酒的温度。


为什么红白香槟要用不一样的酒杯?
其实只是为功能的话,只要是有长胫,透明无色的杯身,薄杯壁,橘子大小杯底的酒杯就都能满足各种葡萄酒的实用需要。但真要讲究起来,道理上说,饱满浓郁的香味在面积大的表面更容易释放出来,所以通常红酒杯肚大;白酒杯纤细,而香槟酒最苗条为的是让味道和气泡都消失地慢些。

为什么有些人要“假惺惺”地研究轻转把玩酒杯?
主要是看成色。酒的颜色要照着白底看,颜色才准,所以很多人把酒杯举在灯光前看。不过,这个讲究最多是在作势。酒的颜色也不一定越深就越好,颜色深浅不仅取决年代,也和葡萄种类及窖桶种类有关,比如 Chardonnay 葡萄就比Riesling葡萄酿出的酒颜色深,而木窖藏的酒颜色又要比金属桶酿的深一些。
轻转酒杯里的酒,为的是看酒的质感和黏稠度。所谓的“挂杯”(leg)程度越好,说明酒的稠度和酒精度糖度就越高。挂杯的酒痕发紫表示酒的年代不久,发橙黄色一般来说就证明酒有些年头了。。。轻转酒杯还有个用处就是,象前边提到的,让酒和空气更大程度地混合,氧化后的酒香更浓郁,也更容易散发。

有的人看起来不是闻酒而是把酒杯拿在鼻子下,远近上下移动着“嗅”酒,用的着吗?
我们的嘴只能品酸甜苦辣咸五味。但是鼻子却能区别2000多种味道,而据说葡萄酒香就有200多种,所以是体验我们鼻子天才能力的好机会。闻酒是品酒过程里非常重要的环节。品酒专家至少要“嗅酒3次才会入口“。酒香复杂,只能鼻感,难以言传,要记住自己的喜好都很难,只能闻了再闻,强制记忆。白葡萄酒的味道区别大致为三种,缘与三种葡萄: Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, 和 Riesling. 红酒更复杂一些,但是最主要的也就只有三种葡萄:Pinot Noir, Merlot, 和 Cabernet Sauvignon.

为什么有的人品酒的时候会发出“漱口“一样的不雅声音?
其实在品酒专家眼里,真正不雅的举动是举起酒杯一干而尽。 品就要慢条斯理,品味要照顾到嘴里各个角落,体验加回味。人的舌苔对不同的味道敏感度不同,舌尖最能尝到甜;舌中对果味敏感;舌头两边和靠近喉咙的地方才能尝到酸味,所以要把酒在嘴里回转几次,才能真正尝到它的全味:口味是轻,中还是满?白葡萄酒的话,酸度如何?红酒的话,酒红度是否适中?糖度,果度和酸度是否平衡?余味如何?好酒的余香可以缭绕到1分钟甚至三分钟以上。当然好是的相对,仁者见仁的评价。好酒,和爱人的定义一样,“自己喜欢就好!”

还是觉得陌生?想想更熟悉点的茶。妙玉告诉过宝玉哥哥,喝茶要“品“不要”饮“,茶酒同道。至于如何成为品酒专家,还是一个简单真理:爱这一好,就很容易找到门道。


P.S.
电脑无尽的繁复深奥,一个0和1的无限组合就能解决。酒食搭配也可以强行简化到“白酒搭鱼“”红酒配红肉“两条真理。这里加个简单通俗的搭配常规,仅供参考。napa valley 品酒行也就这点收获。

三文鱼
香槟, 加州汽酒,Riesling, Sauvignon Blanc


Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Blanc, Riesling,香槟

猪肉
Pinot Noir, Burgundy, Chianti, Dolcetto

羊肉
Cabernet, Merlot, 红 Bordeaux, Barolo

烤鸡
Pinot Noir, Burgundy, Chianti, Zinfandel

牛排
Cabernet, Merlot, red Bordeaux, Rhones

沙拉
Sauvignon Blanc, Loire Valley Blanc

Labels:

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

hästen kommer till kina.

sverige borja bli en saga, även för mig, som en gång i tiden trodde “ ...leva.. dö i norden”.

allt rent, snyggt, enkelt, lugnt, även snällt kommer därifrån. visst oxå dyrt.

P och S tillbringar hästen sängar till peking. den billigaste i butiken kostar 70,000. spännande att se hur det går till här. P har mycket förtroende for kinesernas intresse för lyxliv och plånboksstorlek men inte mycket för “deras” “moral”,eller de svenskarna som lever lange i kina eller "gör affär med kineserna under en lång period"...jag höll tyst, tänker inte påmina risken för honom själv.

har vi blivit renare, enklare, snyggare, lugnare i sverige som kines?sen känner vi någonlunda “dyrare”?

men vi förstod aldrig "what f*big deal" med dalarhästen.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

V day...

E says V day is against french culture: everyday should be a choco-flower potential day, besides who wants to be shot by an arrow for the sake of L..whatever?!

G says he will only makelove not falling into, like renting house instead of buying one, so to keep an appropriate distance with the world.

V day, or any day cant change the fact that Love always comes second for selfish humanbeing, believing one or the other of following:
  • survival first, then maybe love. "love dont feed empty stomach, says chinese"
  • life quality first, then maybe love, "beauty and beast, tall and short, black and white can be together. rich and poor doesn't blend".
  • work first, love second. "love is only pepper not salt. Good to spice up life when not busy."
  • present first, love second. "for now not for ever".
  • safety first love second. "not too rich, not too pretty, too risky"
  • self first, love second. "love changes for me, not me change for love".
  • fun first love second. "Disney tour only, no tears please."
  • dream first love second. "love is the hurdle.
I like the idea of going for the "vagina monologue" show in vivacity. Victory of realism.

but suggestion of going for Japanese food first today, still stings a second...

Saturday, February 11, 2006

music note

sunday morning is all good-sad indulgence with joni mitchel.

Y and M. hehe, ...you could see through and take me as i am, loneliest and funniest clown dazzling in the crowd. then i can take you in halfway closer. don't fail the test, one day, you might achieve the mission impossible... out of a flash and bang!...get me. all ordinary people. oh. john legend now... it is bad- sad.













Wednesday, February 08, 2006

souk

Met Rain in souk over margrita and mahito, the group expanded till 10 at the end. ...gradually starting feeling more grounded when the supporting tribe starts to take shape like that. nothing is better than working dinners turning to fun nightouts by chaoyang and business lunch turning to pastry tasting by ritan park. confucious was really right about it (find the right job you dont need work a day)

S is a thinker who finally learnd ways to materialize his thoughts, mapping out a structure that could even take likeminded together and build something substancial and solid. the 798 exbit in june will surely shape a new way of thinking about boutique design in china, really happy for him, and for me of course (Milan April again, isn't yuanfen!!!!). hopefully it will happen big and well against ms knoweverything's prediction...



.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Can we be cheerful crusaders?

The project is a typical tingling project. It justifies itself that no questions need to be asked. It is no big deal, it IS a big deal. Depends on how you see it. Why cant we save the world and laugh about it at the same time? Aren't we able to demonstrate a serious purpose and a lighthearted attitude at the same time! Why do I need explain?

it seems that the motive behind some mover-and-shakers is their joy in suppressing joy. So unless you demonstrate exhaustion, despair and anxiety, you haven't done enough.

Jeremiah was a pain in the neck. taozi never gained credibility. so Confucius says: try to do it, happily, while clearly aware of the fact that it can hardly be achieved, then you can call yourself-- the man.

a m e n.

Monday, February 06, 2006

sign暗示

"this page is scheduled outage at 7.00pm pst. click to learn more".

click. then it tells you"failed to load."

what is that? a sign?

this has been a elc diary of my journey over 3 continents over last 3
months. joy, doubt, pain, back to peace. traveled through with loved ones,
but mostly with self. looking back, surprisingly eventful.

so is it the sign telling: it is time to terminate the wondering mind? landing is not necesserily surrendering, even if it is, lets make it gracious. no outrageous displays of rage and power. and fear and loss and triumph and hope and brutality and
alienation and alien nation and alike and differing from and thinner than
fatter than and purging the defeat and failure and consuming the belief.

here in hutong, i can make some salad with olive oil, rosemary and
cracked black pepper, dried cranberries, candied pecans, fuji apple
thinly sliced, and gorgonzola sprinkled on the side. huangjiu goes well with
it. i can stil have my company-proof iPod mix to entertain
anyone who can jive within my frequency. not anyone, only those with
skills: grace. understanding the subtleties of human interaction. positive
manipulation. getting me off. turning me on. obscure referencing. mad style.
color psychology. conflict resolution. fire prevention. attention to detail.
sleeping in the creases of timefolds with dimension overlap comforters and
supernova nightlights. effortless living defining cool.

hutong, is the place we can hide in the meantime. because this is the mean
time.

stay.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

snow雪中花

it is the smell of renewing. it is a journey from foggy grey to clear white, somewhat scandie clean, somewhat mongolian ruddy.

it is the perfect time of year for comfort class style, any top with thumb holes. any hat with ears (pink!), any pants that go loose, any bag that form- fits to the body. any boy that pays for outdoor spring bath. then sunset, then a quiet with- lover breakfast.
today i renew my pleadge of love in the silent ceremony.

happy anniversary of fortune telling.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Coach 富如东海寿比南山

Haven't been Nanshan ski resort for 2 years. so many things have changed. China is really getting to be a better place, exclusively for the privileged group though. The countryside stays the same if not even sketchier, inside the resort I drank fresh coffee with a beautiful Tibetan dog on the bench under the sun. while skiing in Vermont cost me 50dollars, here in Nanshan more than double.

X is 36 and economically independent, self-acclaimed "retired with honor". Spending 6 months playing golf in warm season, another half year skiing, very busy.

To understand this group of Chinese has been a part of my cultural studie interest recently, the conclusion? Money in china is more glorious and more shady. among all the lessons to learn, he taught me one in particular-- only work with those who are more successful than you. so i will start from scratch and only play with those too. (kidding)

did snowboarding on and off, once or twice a year for 10 years, only found out today after the private lesson that i have been doing all wrong! but it is amazing how important the coach role is. once you follow the instruction, get the movement and rhythm right, you just cant only do it wrong!

an assured and confident, skilled person makes no wrong moves. he just can only do it right. thought of H and i's old talk about life coach thing...

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Time 时机

Everything and everyone has a time. A person has to yours.

deal closed, but I vaguely sensed a feeling of exhaustion- a shoulder- down game- over lost, even it is not even started. The music box unwinds to silence when it is supposed to be gearing to the designed tones. timing is not exactly right.

it is hard to acknowledge I am weary for things I do, which must suggests, I am weary of myself. It is not the place, or the person, but more and more it feels like history haven't yet found its way into the past, repeat and repeat again no matter what you do differently, it is still so present gaming everything up.

time is weapon. S taught me. Time changes everything, everyone says. Time may help me remake it, everything into sth not necessarily better but different. Another adventure with its own special torture and irritation and ringing and mocking laughters, with someone special for the new round.

it is not a matter of doing what you want, but knowing the right things to do.

we all are so anticipating for the new. The new year, the new endeavors, the new people in life, maybe enthusiasm is just an expression of panicking? in the making of new, we lose a part of the old good self.

happy new year. tingeling. you deserve it more than you know.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Long term new year resolution新年新气象


Always surprised by people. R is still dreaming of being a TV star, presuming me sharing the same dream since we both are in the same line of work. But he believes in "one shot at a spot light" like eminem, I believe in accumulation around and behind. Maybe that makes us compatible partners?

tomorrow is the time, the first small step. We need that for the leap in the coming year, if not desperately.

we will give it a shot.

Give us one shot, then there is triumph over the war of doubts.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Running dog for life生活的走狗


for some time, long enough, I have been doing nothing concrete other than waiting for something to click, something to break, something that might turns things around, just like waiting for delusions of greener pastures under the greyest sky of the world.

in the frenzy of collecting pieces, I am surprisingly calm. Red credit? Cool, empty fridge? Cool, awkward conversation? Cool, potential of total jackpot and complete failure? Cool. Half- hearted living? Cool.

The year of dog is good for us all, for chasing after the myth of "a bright future".

but when can I stop running around, just slowly walk home...

Thursday, January 19, 2006

a love story似是而非的爱情故事

"are you living in another time zone?"
"good, you can be a part of my life."

"do you enjoy zero distance intimacy?"
"yes, love heated by hotmail."

"appriciate mutual mature communication?"
"yes, pure love as a 13yrs old."

"enjoy shared quality time?"
"yeah, but cant help worrying missing out other important things and appointments,"

"we are growing to be strong independent individuals."
"yeah, so at the moment i am not in the position to be totally reliable."

"are you following me?"
"yeah, I love u, but you are suffocating me with your demands."

Sunday, January 15, 2006

someone somewhere

woke up naked by the aroma of fullbodied coffee. i opened my eyes, it is deceptively bright, the air brushes my skin like silk. my heart beats slowly, until my semiconsciousness tells the scent of familiar and imagined you beside me. you had slipped in the night before as though you were trying not to wake me. how could you not.

throguh the dialogue between curve and form, movement and temperature. your body finds my own.

i could stay here forever.

just don't let me send you away.

how do you live?

i have been acting as a therapy consellor for 3 days for heartbroken M. it is not exhausting as it sounds, cause things are pretty clear: G is no exception of most of most white men in Beijing limboland: mum’s boys, village idiots, simple man , dropouts and burnouts without any coping skill to interact with the world or with a woman in a meaningful and material way. (G is worse. not even, according to R, " a working class lawyer"). ..."how do we know a lawyer is lying?...lips moving..."

there is a risk in migaratory relationship that lives in its moment. it is as real and palpable as it could be when it is there, then it is gone, no surprise cause there were never future plan involved in the first place. but still, when it is over, it is still a blow. obsessive longing is the only souvenir that one must suffer or savor.

so it is for the better. but but it takes the magic 3 weeks/months to heal. there are just not so much a friend could do. M squeezes me 2 seconds longer than the usual social hug every time we part. felt a bit sad, yeah no friend could accompany you the long sleepless night. we can share laughters, but in the face of pain, we are all alone.

She reminds of me how much weight everyone actually put love on life. but everyday we spend our time doing and talking trivia that has the slightest nature of love. how do we live? we are busy wanting all and now and take painless love for granted, waking up by a blow when it is gone and when it is too late.

"perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything it is because we are dangerously near to wanting nothing.”(sylvia)

love. light. when you believe in it. it comes.

M, you will be ok. very very soon. we all know it, but just have to wait for the time arrives.

tingeling's karma is building up a very positive wheel recently. next week, the charity show! be a helper or to be helped. which one is more enjoyable? ok. -1 karma point...helping for helpings sake. for love.

Friday, January 06, 2006

london london



you want it, you get it, you forget it.

witty british ad campaign fascinates me.

new year, new year

like s put it, lets give the finger to 2005 and happy new year!


x

getting old is so great that you really understand there is no "later" ther is no "will be better", there is only now or never, now and always.

many of my scattered homies came up with new year resolution of going to therapy. If you know anyone well enough, you will find he/she would be better off with some those expensive hours of guided self-reflection. H said I only need a"life coach", a Dr. Phil kind with better understanding china miracle/mirage.

live in 2006 with levity, courage and grace, everyday. the promise.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

another year in this f ancient town

believe me it's everything you ever needed it to be" -juno

it's all right here. it's alright here. and you can have all you want. stop pissing and fighting over its offspring. it is the ever-flowing wealth. the fountain of ancestral calling.

let's make it easy. make it hard. make it impossible not to freefall through worm holes into greatness of spirit of science of sound.

it's all right here. take it.

just in case you can't drag your lazy, comfortable, self-absorbed brilliance out into sunlight, have no fear because tomorrow is too. and tomorrow's tomorrow

it's everything you ever needed it to be.

Monday, December 05, 2005

touch

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Adult adolescence

NF turned 34 last night. She was indeed as petit cute as N and I met her ages ago. Yes, just like "could get by as 20 without any problem" as everyone P.S.bday greetings.

looking ageless, is that a blessing? If you are how you look, is one's perpetual adolescence something to celebrate?

rollingstone is still touring the world, in torn jeans between visits to their plastic surgeon and their tattoist. There is something sad about it, every time I see them on TV.

there is also something sad about a 30something single gales birthday party, when a group of adult impersonators gathering for a memorial ceremony dedicated to the fleeting youth, the time when we limp through life trying to achieve competence despite nagging feeling of inferiority, trying to maintain a clear identity even if we've never had a map or model to follow, trying to find a place of our own despite basic distrust of the world.
30's is the old 20's, can be a torture.

James Dean died at age of 24, only that could perpectuate desired youth.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

macrohistory

Finally finished the book S lent to me last night. For understanding Confucius and the great wall, "microhistory of china" by huang zongren provides a fresh perspective.

but as usual, what do you usually remember after reading a masterpiece? Some fun episodes.

Nixon was flattering Maozedong: you changed the world by turning china upside down with a couple of your little red books.

Mao: I just changed 20skm in and around bj to say the most, china is too big for anyone to change from the root.

cant imagine Mao could be such a clear-headed person. he undervalued himself. We somewhat undervalued him.

House is where home belongs to

Some people are just not how they appear to be.

M is 58, wed S at age of 24 before they took Siberia trip together, landed in Japan, lived in NY, SF eventually back to London, 3osth years later, still married and owns one house in the country that is exactly the one he pointed and swore to himself as a kid to own one day. Walks two dogs at 4oclock every morning, watches 4 movies each week, reads by open fire.

but everytime he passes through Beijing, he has to buy me two "Irish kiss" and enjoy an apparent British luxury-- the self-revealing sensation with a safe listener, about

displacement. homelessness. the illusion and excitement of self-reinvention in every stage of life, secretive expectations about each destination of trips, the awakening flash hitting the plugged off therefore real self in a hotel room in a strange city. Bob Dylan, the self-denied but born to be folksy musician. And of course destruction of love and remanding of pieces after it,,,and of course also sth concrete.

house. Why do you need a house and a house in order. It is not about interior design, it is about its function to keep you sane. If life is an organized messs and you have to develope a structure to cope with it, your house is the only concrete space and facsility to file and shelf your life. Positive things in arm's length, ex's picture in the attic. The rest, the designed items, the dogs, the garden, and of course the wife, make a home. But a man just need a house.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Owen's open space technology.

whoever comes is the right person

whatever happend is the only thing that could have

that hasn't arrived, let it be gone.

whenever it starts, is the right time,

when it is over, it is over.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

by simple minds (with fringe)



Cities, buildings falling down
Ideal homes falling down
These pictures I see on the wall
Timeless leaders stand so tall
Assassin in a hit and run
Asia steals a new born son
Evacuees and refugees
Presidents and monarchies

Travel round
I travel round
Decadence and pleasure towns
Tragedies,luxuries,statues,parks and galleries

Europe has a language problem
english is a troubled language
Talk, talk, talk, talk, talking on
In central Europe
Men are marching
Marching on and marching on
Love songs playing in the restaurants
Airport playing "Bi Some Lo"

Europe has a language problem and english is a troubled language
I Travel
And on and on and on and on and on and on and on

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Cultural hermit


Use to have too many "friends" just call and have coffee and talk about nothing, suddenly realized I don't have that much precious time to kill anymore. Every time when feeling standing in a xing or cornered, I go to my own temple, visiting a hermit mentor of mine, who hides inside, well right inside ritan park, very private person disguised as a publisher.

talking with S, the master of cultural comparison studies, almost like attending a lecture so you dont willingly do it too often. as one of those rare few in Beijing who value sanity and purity of the soul more than success, (perhaps thanks to his earlier success and later relative downfall) the very fact of he lives the way he lives now and it works out fine makes me happy and hopeful.

So of course I found out over the lunch why Italian coffee cant win starbucks in China, why doing less is doing more, if china- chain-reaction affecting the world is going to continue....but mostly we talked about physicis and public relation. "the purer certain material is, the stronger it become". Diamond is not meant to be decoration, also powerful cutting tool. so when so many people are playing you as a card in their networking conspiracies, as long as you stay clear of fleeting elusive and false attempt of scooping a quick share of wins, you see the intention and outcome much more clearly, saving you from the roller coaster ride right from the beginning, so it is only natural to concentrate on your own course all along.

Buddhist karma, Christian predestination, or business evaluation verse S's physics theory.

the question is not what you want to do, but why you do it. Answer that first, the tight knot turns tightknit.

Picture perfect CH



have to write a travel piece about Switzerland to promote outbound travel to the country of watch, 007 ski outer scene location, lux of the lux. i am looking through my window trying to remember my skiing time there, while watching laotaitai doing taiji on the square. how far is china away from Switzerland?

now these two worlds are eagerly to meet. Crowded buses stuffing 50tourists hurrying through 13 countries in 11 days in Europe are the vehicle, literally. we are all looking for the jetsetters, but where the heck are they? the average purchasing spending of each chinese bus tourist is 1700euro, more than American and Japanese. ok, what the heck do they buy? bus- touring jetsetters? i was briefed by J over pink loft dinner. my rollercoaster year accumulated thousands of airmileage for me but did some real damage to the bank account. i thought of blaming the year of roaster, but during the same period of time, j's one man's shop grew 10 times bigger. The business idea is as simple as developing a software allowing chinese tour operator and European hotels to mix and match at last minute rate. so obvious, so brilliant."a guy's book" story, apparently called in dutch. sorry, J, i could not find a synonym in english, in chinese, we call it, today's China story. you just find one thing, and do it right at the right time here today, everything is possible. the common belief anyway. so everyone is multitasking, putting many eggs in a little basket/brain, wait and hope. but which one is it for tingeling? i start worrying for her.

writing for Chinese magazine is about the same like doing TV shows for the propaganda channel. Mediocre expection allows anxiety-free creative flow, no pressure, neglectable pay in return.

so what china and Switzerland have in common? I cant think of anything other than their similar initials.

Confederatio Helvetica, the ancient name of Switzerland since roman time is still in use as CH that appears on car plate, of course currency. had wondered before. Finally understand, but isnt Helvetica also a typefont?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Why Italy!



working on arranging a short luxurious trip to Italy for the newyear eve-week for those who are afraid of having no frogs to kiss at the big night. why italy again? you know why most Italian words end with "o"? expresso, cappucino, milao,,,, como... because everything about this country is chin- dropping "O, fatastico!"

as for me, hope this will mean another opportunity to visit my man in the charmed lake COMO, even though the chance to meet him in person was long gone. he passed away in 1988.

to mention a few accomplishments, He was one of the first 3 Italians conquered Mt. Everest and the first and probably the only owner in como area opened his island to the public when he lived. the place is so charming that Princess leiya got married here(starwar episode 3).

On the top floor of the charmed mansion, now museum, hundreds of pictures and artifacts he collected all around the world are on display, from every continent, north pole to africa, starting as early as 50's. it is said that when he passed away and left will to donate entire island to the Lombardia Region, a group of archeologists came to evaluate the collection. they started with the mask room of more than 3000 pieces that he personally collected from allover the world, and only came to a unified conclusion of "INVALUABLE". the study didn't carry on to other 30sth rooms that i only had time touring through half of. wondering and studying for too long in "china room" where i saw the best Tang tricolor glazed porcelain collection i have seen. and trust me, i have been to the basement of Xi an Museum where all the goodies are actually hidden.

money is one thing, taste is another. man with money, taste AND adventurous spirit, generous heart, and that pair of brown eyes, you just don't find anywhere.

i remember my heart dropped a few beats when i saw his picture, thought of what A commented about her Italian affair, "latin lover is dead", so are prince charmings in our time. so new year, good luck, my trip members.

Monday, November 21, 2005

a Monday moment




Spent abt 5 hours by now, chatting with N in Stlm, A in Paris, S in SF, X in Sh, Z in Chengdu. Addiction symptom, guilty pleasure.

worked 5 hours in Henderson center office today. Felt like a wandering Taoist nun begging from the lay people while paradoxically feeling sorry for them: we are really not made to work and live like this, not every day.

i was offered a lift home, P said she bought a car because taxi in bj is too dirty.

While she tried to born me with her SPA talk, I tried my part with my taoist blahhh.

Stopped at a Xing by the red light, a bus stopped on the right side. the shouting ad wrapping the bus hurted my eyes so much i turned to look into the window.

you dont see people, you only see heads and shoulders crammed to a blurry black block. not much living sig cause most of people have their eyes shut and resting, wait to get over the "stuck moment".

i thought we really should all just shut up.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

L(ove) V(anity) Party


"fake it until make it" is chinese democratic attitude towards high fashion. everyone is entitled to carry a Gucci bag in her long march from silkstreet to Guomao, silkstreet one is an incentive, guomao one is an trophy.

wearing this "i have arrived" look walking on red carpet to LV grand opening party in China World, every gal looks, well, except me (rushing to the party and no time dressing up), a million dollar baby.

everyone was here, pillars of bj society and emerging future material. of course also others like me, who not necesserily fall into LV's target group's demographic criteria, which is pretty much "big bank account alone will do". luckily, there are only 2 ways to know one's bank balance according to C, " car and house, these 2 things you cant fake. Chanel? to find an impeccable knockout purse and wear a knockout look? Kindergarten." so yeah, lets play and fake!

MM, soon to be a divorcee, told me no matter how tired of going to parties, LV party is the one not to be missed- PR firm did the screening so lot easier to pick prince from frogs. "only if you see someone charming, he is probably within or above (preferably) your league. finger crossed for lust at the first sight!"

look can be such a tricky deception of human kind. we notice those who catch our attention, so we volunteerily misidentify him or her a spiritual sister or interllectual brother, but maybe the truth is just because we liked his diesel or she looked wonderful in her wonderbra.

as usual, lusty tingle can be as hard to find as love in BJ parties. M shared cab with me home. but we have to admit, LV threw this year's best party in town. free champagne and good music always make a party, of course doesn't hurt with some fashionastas-wanna bes making up a lively backdrop.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

bund, shanghai's bund


Park 97 felt a bit worndown than i remembered, but the waiters are the same, still refuse to speak chinese since they were serving non-chinese cuisine, i guess.

had dinner with H who thought "underground music" meant illegal music. he currently represents chinese part running an edgy milan fashion magazine in shanghai. gudelov, lets count the days before the paper going under.

swirled into "bund"magazine's 3year annerversary party on Bund 18 with a group of venture capitalists in shanghai, rather random but isnt that typical?! for the whole night M bought champagne for every DEAR friend of his, including me, who he just met for the first time and of course not bothering asking to remember the last name.

if socialite is a job, L should win a most-diligent medal. just moved to shanghai from beijing, she has already smoothly landed on the ramplight of the city scene. and she proved that last name is very important, "you havent really met a person before you googled them and thats why you need the full name". M turned out to be the son of so and so. okey, next time i will have more Möet without feeling slightest sympathy for him. i have been patronizing his family business on daily basis anyway.

money goes around.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

projects...


bookworm's clientle is getting much better looking than i remembered. some are even freshly sanfran-ish bohamian cute. all changes are good, esp. from uniformity to diversity of people types in bj, very much needed for the wellbeing of, oh well, me, if other's don't care.

i am now in the middle of a life spent exploring an elusive territory, a homeland hidden right in the middle of today's "global village". beijing as epicenter starts alienateing me. in a state of confusion and courage challenging the basic institutions that order our lives, beijing has been a seemingly self-governed monopoly gambling ground. but frankly now i am tired of the number-dropping name-dropping game.

i have wished to stay in most places i have traveled: SF, milan, paris, london, stockholm, kopenhagen, new york, amsterdam, kyoto, kunming... dreaming of opening, together with likeminded, a used reocrd shop, a cozy book cafe, an organic foodstore, an internet-order flower shop, a musicstudio in woods, a magazine about nothing particular,,,In beijing, i talk with like-goaled business comrades about 20million animation film, VIP travel agency that caters to "china's cream of the cream", international tv prgrams that bring the world to chinese household with best CPP. what a feeling of liberation that you dont need to be a big shot to talk about big bucks! deceptive victory granting nothing been promised, thats liberation with chinese charactaristics.

it is always the person, not the place. i own the right to doubt it. in a city where pedestrians have no right, you want to drive a car with an extra turbo engine.

watch out, shanghai, i am coming. break some legs!


酹江月(严子陵钓台)
浮生有几,叹欢娱常少,忧愁相属。富贵功名皆由命,何必区区仆仆。燕蝠尘中,鸡虫影里,见了还追逐。山间林下,几人真个幽独。
谁似当日严君,故人龙衮,独抱羊裘宿。试把渔竿都掉了,百种千般拘束。两岸烟林,半溪山影,此处无荣辱。荒台遗像,至今嗟咏不足。

Saturday, November 12, 2005

beijing blue



home is such a relative term. the day you move out of parent's house, till the day you build one of your own, there is this empty time and space that creates momentary homesickness making you long for somewhere dearly yet unknown. the feeling only hits intermittently yet surely more often after a trip.

travel transcends time and space, perception of reality and dream, life theme and episode. staying in one place makes some rotten, some rooted. never figured out what it makes me.

just bought a pair of earplugg, a pure-cotten mask and some throat candy in wangfujing to adapt to beijing, according to what P read yesterday, the most poluted major city in the world. it feels...

wangfujing is full of happy faces lit by shopping bags. face covered and ear plugged, i was an odd dropout, not even cared.

p is working now and leaving for ld tomorrow. can't think of a program for her tonight. staying home?

Thursday, November 10, 2005

no closure in sf.



i will be back! @#$%^&**&)

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

big sur.





a dutch friend of mine b, an archetect working in sf for 4months is envious of the fact that i have been to more places than he did in my 20-day-long sf stay. the only same place outside of the city he and i both have been to is the BIG SUR, southern california's natural wonder. Driving along the famous HIGHWAY 1, 75years old scneric road winding along the curvy californian Pac. coast, is a classic and must in one's sf experience. no wonder he didnt miss out that.

essentially i am not a backpacker after all. instead of lighting up camp fire, we found ourselves sitting by the openfire in resturant "neptune" right outside of phiffer natural state park. meaning "no sorrow" in egyptian, designed by Frank w, this resturant hangs on the tip of a cliff offering the best view and most comfort. thanks to my "magic card" (visa) and feeling generous, i was cleopetra for the night. "hey, more wine and fries?" (we are after all in amelica!)

Did camping anyway for the sake of it. surrounded by redwood trees in the most starry night, suddenly realized i have never really seen a shooting star before... lying in the absolute quietitude, gazing far far away, had awaited long long enough, i finally did catch one. all it takes, i guess.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

concrete cultured downtown


Friday, November 04, 2005

wine tasting, savor california in all senses







it is such a 'no no" for local cultured proletarian SFcans like b and M: learn to evaluate wine is such a pretentious and pressured hard work; when bohamian san francisco has so much to offer, why bother to drive all the way north up to Napa Valley ? but all i wanted to do is to relax and enjoy the drive and soak up the beauty of this US's premium wine county. as for the wine itself, i knew red for meat and white for fish already! only here goes with other wordings like (HALL winery presents): Sauvignon Blanc2001 is crackling, crip, incisive, a hint of melon, a tangy minarality that simply screams for clams or lobster; merlot is equally juicy, with firm cassis and camphor in the nose and rich blackberry fruit in the mouth, trip tip, barbecued... see? white for fish, red for meat...

Monday, October 31, 2005

castro, center of the universe of happily dead







300,000 costumes, masked faces and cheers, yeah, gays know how to party, and also according to S, no one is completely straight in SF. So when the biggest street party happens, it is of course held here in Castro, the capital of rainbowland.

costume party is not only for exhibitionists. Costumes disguise and highlight desired personality, that empowers you to act free from inspectors. That's why it is geniuely fun, comparing to dressing-up fancy parties, where the clothes wear people instead of the other way around.

S is the guru of costume partying and japanese robot toy fan. she worn a futuristic geisha look; Br has a dip of asian fetish in taste of gfriend, he showed up as a samurai; M studies small business courses but dreaming of big bank account, she was of course the Audrey in "breakfast in tiffany"; S is an artist who doesn't get many of his work sold, he accompanied M as a living dead; bd longs to escape from the city to the nature, at very last minute he decided to dress like a, well, an american wood-cutting worker. M has 1/8 of iranian blood, he made 2 sets of arabian robes and lent me a family sword looked mysterious enough to be far eastern ancient, unfortunately stopped by the police at entrance, the only hiccup of the night. We both worn that noble, exotic,distant yet amiable prince / prices smile the entire night. Well I know he wants to be the king of his own music kingdom in the woods, me? I never stopped chasing after mirage.

have to pick up and read fraued again, talk about subconsciousness.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

who are these people?!





I asked them about Halloween history. trick or treat candy, pumpkin and dressup parties. but why why why? well, now i know, you know if you want to know, (from History Channel):

Halloween's origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in).The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom, and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31, they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.

To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities.

By the 800s, the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands. In the seventh century, Pope Boniface IV designated November 1 All Saints' Day, a time to honor saints and martyrs. It is widely believed today that the pope was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. The celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints' Day) and the night before it, the night of Samhain, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween. Even later, in A.D. 1000, the church would make November 2 All Souls' Day, a day to honor the dead. It was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels, and devils. Together, the three celebrations, the eve of All Saints', All Saints', and All Souls', were called Hallowmas.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

redwood...world's tallest trees



only on California's Redwood Coast do these magnificent trees, some are as 2000yrs old, achieve their primeval glory.

a great day hiking in John mirl redwood park. apparently the first meeting of united nation was initiated here. "may nature inspire humankind", so taoist.

in every different city, you end up in the same district that you belong. NY east village/west village, Stockholm Södermalm/vasastan, London soho/east end, paris latin district, in sf, it is the mission. chic and still cheap indian food, smokey 80's club that draws both those partied in 80's like b and those born in 80's like m. the highlight was without a doubt "the tarot reading in A bookstore where used to sort out books according to the color of the books". do i need spend more time gathering energy, work on my physical wellbeing, think the other way around/out, be patient and "cut lose and cruise"? yeah, i bet. but how.

thanks b for today! you will always be a big boy but who needs a man?!

Friday, October 28, 2005

momentary home



b, s and i had such a blessed time at home together, we started joking about a sexless threesome marriage together. even though the house morgage is shouldered mostly by c, the fourth person that was almost invisible most of the time- a walking success example of sf, that rarely stays home.

watched "garden state" tonight. i am a fan of dynamic / and / and / creators. zach braff is someone to watch. the story makes me wonder if we all just knew better, we would have already become who we are, and the 13yr old puppy crush could as well as be our biggest love.

so who says we didnt have a loving home and marrige together for this 5 days? it is meant to be momentary, but it is as real.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

love is all around, packaged and served.







in "wholesome foodstore" where everything is organic, healthy, natural, fair-traded, soical-aware, energy-saving, envirnmental friendly, i wandered to the "comfort food" section. among hundreds kinds of chocolate, the consciousness- raising 'save chimp" chocalate saved me from "too many choices"anxiety. donated 49c to the endangered species, i felt like a savor myself. consume to convey good- consciousness, california american way.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

address: bristbane, san francisco



mission complished. i went to explore an SF/America opportunity, only was reminded why i left NY/America dreamland years ago. even if i was given the opportunity and granted a working visa, would i do it?

there are also palm trees smiling along the highway by valley drive, brisbane, but there are only 2 coffee houses in entire town. it is real SF, but not my SF.

i took a taxi home. the cab driver is a 40years old indian and 18years old san franciscon. His smile made me think of bollywood. i probablelly made him think of sony camera, later sampan after i clarified. i should have mentioned santa and north poll, why not for his fascination. we all like exotism and good things are always far away.

finally saw the rainbow flag (love the fact that not the stars/strips), the landmark of castro flying, i had to remind myself again, "yes, it is a really nice place. yes, again, not your own."

i was told SF is for the talented, LA for the ambitious and NY is for those got both. am i one of them? no doubts- not. but maybe i still get chance to be ambitious again - LA is waiting.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhi, it is a coffee house!




(we are all so unique, just like everyone else, apple people headsup!!!)

Always like american's lighthearted humor. the captian on my NW flight reminded me to "fast the seatbelt, turn off the cellphone and IPOD before taking off". how did he know? oh well, he knew! he knew he was probabely talking to 75% of people on board.

here i am, in SF Mission district's institutional coffee house. Standard COOL-looking crowd that you rutinely see in hotspots in most hip cities, yet, what a hotspot!-- Armed with a MAC laptop and a tall latte, wearing a thoughtful frown on the face, body in one place and mind somewhere else, no one seems take notice on the surroundings...

I often have difficulties to keep body&mind in one place at the same time anyway, but think! alone& together, the ways we have of avoiding and evading each other in public just keep piling up.

I keep reminding myself this is a cafe and i am allowed to socialize. but diguised by the blarring music, the cafe feels silent, like a libarary where talking is appropriate only when neseccery, (ordering?). i could also have as well be walking in the street, ride a buse or hang out in the park in... maybe idaho? IF, only if airport there also works...

i know i sound all technophobic fretting,(what i am doing at this very moment? =) when anything exciting and unknown is just a google click away and our loved ones are on msn, who needs to look up and notice who else is around and what he might have to offer?

well, Me@!taking blogshots! and Eri. The only guy came to Ritual with a low-tech equipment, a paperback " to be seen with but not very readable" rassian classic. He finally accknowledged my existence by noticing -- hey, what you are doing? i turned off flashlight,

-- to show people, including you: behind these screens, hide us, all turning into solitary computer geeks, connected by technology, to technology, but divorced from one another.

Monday, October 24, 2005

home of the free三番的晨雾


印象里,“加州”和“阳光”应该是不离不弃的,那我以为顺理成章,加州形象代言城市三番,自然也该是温和清丽。怎么一走出三番机场,迎面飘来的却是阵阵浓雾?不免有些讶异。“这就是三番啊,home of the free!自由人的家”,s 说。奥,我到家了?还是云里雾里,有些怔怔的。

Saturday, September 17, 2005





          冰的气质火的灵魂

冰岛。。。冰的清冷,岛的遗世独立,一听名字就让爱热闹的人“远而敬之”。想像1000年前浪漫地自我放逐到这里的第一批冰岛人,登陆时也应该开始心怀敬畏吧:鲜有人迹的地方自然容易让人想到神迹。 特别是在海雾里,远望到气势不凡的地热喷泉,鲜见的浮冰湖,陡峭的雪山和海岸绝壁; 想像远古以来这里经久不歇轰轰烈烈的火山爆发,但是冰川融化,四季无声. 美吗?反正出世。


第一眼从机舱里看到冰岛渐行渐进,听到机长通知“landing, landing”, 怔怔得以为自己登了月。 从机场到首都REYKJAVIK一路浓雾, 蒙胧里只见黝黑的火山岩和荒无人烟的旷野,尽是似乎人类从未惊扰过的原始地貌。没有树,一棵都没有。。。 难怪NASA 当年把冰岛作为登月宇航员集训地,看来不是掷塞子的偶然。和从下飞机就一路同行而来的英国年轻背包客tim 聊起来,都是往一家叫丑小鸭的青年旅馆去的,自然转瞬成了知己:不是一路人不进一家门吗!然而在以后的几天里才发现,我们眼中和要寻找的冰岛:截然不同。

合理运用的地热加上格陵兰海上充足的石油,让这个天自一方的小国福甲一方。 加上只有区区30万人口分享这份羹,生活指数可见一斑。 但是年均零下10度的终年严寒和冬季20个小时的漫长黑夜,不是一般外来人可以轻易想像,习惯着能倾心的地方。所以百多年来,冰岛的规模和人口构成比起其他北欧国家,几乎没有太大的改变,走在首都街头,金发碧眼的世界里,顶着一头黑发的我,耀眼夺目。 冰岛人的内敛个性和教育培养了他们见而不惊,惊而不露的本事。小城市的人对外来客难免好奇,但冰岛人决不轻易表现。即使你还是能隐隐感到周围的注视,那些探究的眼神在你回应的一刹那又游离开了。 。 。不是冷漠,只是礼貌。

TIM常年往来于英国和冰岛之间,在冰岛渔场去鱼鳞的工作虽然辛苦但是收入及其可观,据说很多各国年轻人来这里工作3。5个月后积蓄就够一年环球背包旅行的费用。而Tim只是冬暑假来这里积攒学费,对冰岛的感情简单也深刻:heaven or hell for foreigners.一切都好,只要不让我终年住这儿!

但是还是有这么10几万人终年住在这里,(Reykjavik积聚了冰岛全国过一半的人口)创造了一座极具北欧现代特色和神话色彩的城市。寒冷的冬季,源源不断的地热象血液一样温暖着这座城市,地热管道象城市经络一样,遍布大街小巷。所以据说冬天街道上也全无冰雪,可以自由行驶。对比在瑞典冬天开车要换冬胎防冰雪的忐忑不安,这样的冬天一定很惬意。不过游客自然很少为此奢侈就选择冬季到访这里的。我八月份到这里,气温却是北京的深秋的水平,12度。不过终日歇挂在空中的太阳遥远得温暖着,是个安慰。
我认为丑小鸭青年旅馆有变天鹅的潜质。设施和清洁程度应该当之无愧算是世界青年旅馆中数一数二嘚了。鸭绒被和丝绒沙发,窗外教堂风景,私人卫生间,让我怀疑Hostel在冰岛是不是就是Hotel?...最让冰岛人不以为然而让我这个外地人一惊一乍的是后院里居然也有4个大大小小的自然室外温泉游泳池!周围办公楼里的“白领”(算是吧?)午饭过后大多不午睡,倒是轻轻松松来这里泡个“午浴” 想像不出来还有比这更合理的抗工作亚健康的对策。池边放杯咖啡,有的甚至好像把午间会议也搬到了这儿,这种赤条条坦诚相间的会议效果应该差不了吧。。。.

Tim眼中的丑小鸭却是冰岛酒店里的真正丑小鸭。我们到Hotel Borg和Hotel 101喝过几次咖啡后,也算理解了他的不平。Hotel Borg议会酒店是冰岛最古老的酒店,古典酒店的代表,地处议会广场附近,经典繁复的设计让人想起来冰岛到也不是天涯海角。Viking登陆,挪威人建设,丹麦人的统治,冰岛始终是北欧Nordic文化中不可忽视的一部分. 而Hotel 101的Art Décor风格更提醒这个富裕国家的国际化程度:纯国际都市产物的Boutique酒店风格,温暖的cool, cool的幽默,幽默的高雅。

本人多年坚信,行万里路要先习关于万里之地的书。本来要去 Mals & Menningar 书店(Laugavegur街18号 )逛逛,曾经多次到冰岛四处出海远足的Tim却极力推荐我去红石剧院. (Red Rock Cinema; Hellusund 6A; (354) 845-9548)看看 Villi Knudsen的作品。这位影人多年来致力与拍摄冰岛火山爆发的奇观,"The Volcano Show,"是红石剧场为游客准备的保留节目,据tim说好过任何平面宣传和informmerical自然景观旅游宣传片。我看的那天,受到专场待遇—— 尽是虚席。但是这样的影片是应该在影院里独享的;满眼尽是自然的无穷大,对比着个人的无尽小, 走出影院, 惊骇之余,好像忽然有些了悟。

冰岛虽然也是北欧基督教派国家,大多数人对去教堂不以为然。但是街道上却不时看到红框黄底的三角形交通警示牌,牌子中间画着一个既可爱又调皮的大鼻子精灵,精灵画像的下面写着:“小心精灵”。用着ipod, 开着有GPRS定位系统高级轿车的冰岛人表情自然得和我解释交通规则:“ou, 这个牌子是提醒人们开车时要注意精灵的安全”。

冰岛人“万物皆有灵“的信仰和中国人相似但是不同。他们想像的异幻世界不恐怖阴森,而精灵只是自然界的一种生命,据说岛上自古有“通灵者”长着“神秘眼”,能看到精灵的样子。大多数冰岛人虽然看不到精灵,但都相信,精灵是这片土地的“土著”,和人类在一个空间不同的层面上共同生活。他们甚至把这些“隐形居民” 细化为精灵,小矮人troll、山魈elf和光精等。 我们看的到的冰岛首都雷克雅未克市之外,南部的哈纳弗雍德市,被称为冰岛看不到的”精灵的首都”。

我自然去了一趟,探个究竟。到了当地的旅游服务局问讯处,居然拿到一份哈纳弗雍德市精灵聚居点的示意图!据说是一位名叫厄拉斯泰芬多特的“通灵者”根据古老的传说和自己的经验专门绘制的。 导游手持这样一张图,带领游人踏访精灵的家的旅行在别处可能荒谬,在冰岛这样的环境,不知为什么就可信了很多。 我顺着这个思路,居然也意识到火山岩上是有一些奇怪的图案。导游解释:”这是精灵的教堂和寺庙,他们也有宗教,跟冰岛人一样崇尚和平、宁静和诚实。“ … sure,,,,, =)

学地理的Tim对无据可考 的东西全去兴趣:如果“视而不见”,那就不必追究了。我们启程去离首都维加域60-70公里的宾维尼亚PINGVELLIR国家公园,对我是次体验湖光山色的机会,对他却是因为抵制不了“一天横越欧洲和北美” 的诱惑。 PINVELLAVATN湖畔,是火山激烈运动后留的一处自然美景。欣赏河流,瀑布,湖泊,山泉虽美好,但是爬山涉水也辛劳。Tim提醒我欧洲和北美洲的大陆板快亿万年前就曾在这个被火山灰遮盖的地方接壤。按照地理学上的定义,冰岛有些部分属于北美洲。走过这里,很有意义。我也就又坚持了二十分钟时间,从欧洲走到了北美洲又走了回来。

Reykjavik的夜生活我在到冰岛的第一个中午不经意就见识到了。本想点杯咖啡和简单午餐,却误打误撞走进一家CLUB。要怪冰岛良好的房屋防寒设计带来的良好隔音效果。推门进去,全无防备被热浪和声浪卷得有些趔趄:显然“昨夜无法入睡”的party animal们没有意识到新的一天早就开始了。也许漫长寂寞的冬季和地广人稀的环境让冰岛人渴望人气又不太善于交往,热情需要酒精助燃。所以周末的Reykjavik是酒精发酵般的火热,人们穿梭于酒吧,俱乐部和允许喝酒的咖啡馆间,不醉不休, 醉了也不止。 好笑的是城市指点迷津的免费娱乐咨询杂志,也叫做“The Grapevine”, 葡萄架下。

“葡萄架“指引着我和tim 落脚一家相对安静,几乎和周末气氛不和谐的 piano bar, 。金发碧眼女郎在吧台为我们倒上两杯红酒,就想自顾自去弹琴了。我提议她来一段Bojrk的经典,Human Nature, 她笑了:oh, 那个china gal! 我讶异:她可是冰岛象征啊!她又笑了:对啊,还是我的中学同学呢!不过她除了生在这里,身上没有什么是太冰岛的。 行为举止不象, 从来穿的就不象,现在长的都更不象了!说完自顾去谈琴了。Human Nature吧,家门口的东西就没有什么大不了的了,甚至有些理所应当所以可以不以为然。这就是我们这些人如此跋山涉水离开家门口的原因吧?走了这么远,明白的还是家门口的事情。


TRY AND FIND 小发现


冰岛国家博物馆(The National Museum of Iceland, Sudurgata 41; (354) 530-2200) 2004年刚刚专修设计完毕,冰岛不长的历史被抑扬顿挫的一路立体讲述过来,居然也显得多姿多彩。当然Bjork部分是不会被漏掉的了,的确也是最精彩分呈的部分。

海湾别墅 Harbor House, Tryggvagata 17; (354) 590-1200 ) 工业化的冷练映衬以自然现代题材的艺术品, 极局具设计感。和今天的798有相似之处:无论你欣不欣赏里面的art, 你至少会惊叹这样的空间。

.
Skyr, 是食品店里随处可见的冰岛奶制品特产,界与酸奶和布丁之间, 口味从香梨到咖啡应有尽有。包装又是北欧经典的精致简单,简直可以用来收藏。

周末海湾跳蚤市场on Geirsgata路 :
恐怕是唯一看Reykjavik 人热烈争论的机会,感染这样一片生机可能比买特产干鱼更吸引人。一种叫LUNDI的小鸟,冰岛独有的海鸟,声音独特,在头顶盘旋鸣叫更添份热闹。

Labels: